1 year ago, I (26M) and my wife (34F) decided to take a break from each other. Now we are trying to get back together but apparently she slept with over 30 men during our break and I don’t know how to deal with it.
I( 26M) have been married with Lisa (34F) for 8 years. 5 years ago, we had our daughter, Ann.
Around 2 years ago, me and Lisa were having some problems with each other and 1 year ago we decided to take a break from each other and try to fix our marriage and become better people.
Her issues with me can be summed up in: I was too cold and apathetic. Since I was a kid, I had been thought that it was useless to whine and rant about problems that cannot be fixed. If our family had a problem, I would try and fix it in any way possible. If the problem cannot be solved, I would simply accept it and move on. It’s not that I didn’t care, it’s that until recently, I didn’t understand the pro of spending time venting on something that cannot be changed. I was also the kind of person who bottle up his feelings. I always thought that my problems and my negative emotions were something I should have dealt with myself, without anybody else’s help.
I know now that this kind of mentality was a problem. I went to therapy and it helped me understand that being able to vent and talk with someone can help you deal with your problem and lessen your stress. Now I’m not perfect but I’m surely better than I was 1 year ago.
My issues with her are not important for this post. Let’s just say she isn’t the most responsible person in the world.
When we decided to take a break, we agreed that we were still married so we would act accordingly. This break was to allow us to grow as people before trying again as a couple. We agreed Ann would spend time with us 50/50 and we agreed to see a therapist together twice a month.
A year passed and we decided to get back together. We agreed on one final session to talk about it with our therapist before actually doing it.
During this session, he asked us if we had dated someone else during our break. I said no, as to me, even though we were not living together, we were still married. She tried dodging the question but ended up admitting she has dated other men and, under mine and the therapist’s insistence, she admitted that in the past year she slept with over 30 men.
I cannot describe exactly what happened next but I think I had a panic attack (never had one before so I’m not sure). I felt like I couldn’t breath and I had to rush out of the therapist office to get some air.
I went back inside after some time but the rest of the session was basically her trying to explain her actions and me staying silent and trying not to crumble into pieces.