So not to delve into great detail but I had a pretty rough childhood.
On the surface everything looked great, the house was always clean, home-cooked meals were always on the table and I had new clothes etc.
However my mother was a complete nightmare to live with, looking back she obviously had mental health issues but it had quite a traumatic effect on me, some of which is also shared by my sister. She criticised everything, made you feel worthless, would have mad manic episodes where she said the vilest things and you never knew what version of her you would get coming home from school.
She was handy with her fists and you never knew when one would be flying out of thin air. She once watched whilst her husband at the time pinned down a beat a 12-year-old me.
I ended up leaving home at 17 as it was so unbearable and have had to have therapy in order to process and make sense of some of the things that happened. I did keep her in my life for a while but I haven’t seen or spoken to her for nearly 10 years now.
Obviously, I still hear about her from time to time as my sister and grandad have a relationship with her and she doesn’t appear to have changed or sought help for her issues. Fast forward to today and she’s in a bad way in hospital and is not expected to live long. It feels as though no one respects my decision to not have her in my life.
My sister is resentful that she is running up and down doing all the hospital visits and when the time comes she will arrange the funeral. I’ve checked in with her and offered to help her practically as i realise its a strain but I refuse to see/visit my mum or do anything directly because I’m not comfortable with that. My partner is putting a bit of pressure in for me to go to the hospital and I know its because he loves me but I don’t want to and its stressing me out. My sister says she also suffered and makes out like hers was worse(like it’s a game if top trumps?) and if she can get over it I should too but the difference is she is choosing to remain open to that and still happens on a regular basis and I do not want that in my life.
I want to support my sister but I also need to respect my own boundaries.
submitted by /u/Defiant_Toe3523