I have been sick since I was 8 years old.. there was hope at the beginning, but all of that was pretty much lost after the age of 12.
My body has been put through an endless amount of chemotherapy that has done nothing but make me feel worse.
I made the decision to stop trying about 9 months ago and doctors respected that considering things weren’t looking good for me either way the ball rolled.
I’d say the absolute hardest part was telling my mom and brother that this is what I wanted.. it broke my mother’s heart, but she eventually understood why I wanted to stop.
I’m now terminal and just want to spend the rest of my days being as normal as I can be, I’m making sure that I take advantage of the time I have left and I have been spending it with my mom and brother the most. (I think?) That I’ve accepted my fate.
I try not to think about it too much, but when I do I just try to look at it like “hell yea, I’ll finally be reunited with my dad”.. and that brings me more peace than anything.
I think that I’m more worried about my family than I am about myself, the thought of leaving my mom and brother with so much grief haunts me and makes me feel guilty.
I’m just glad that I have some time to maybe help them accept it? Idk.. I was never really able to cope with the fact that my dad was gone so maybe I’ll just have to cope with the fact that I’m going to put them through a lot mentally/emotionally when I do pass. I just don’t like to think about it.
Anyways, onto the point of the post. I have this friend who has been by best friend since we were both 13.. I think that she might have felt pity for me and that’s why we became friends in the first place, but now she is genuinely the best friend any guy could ask for and I love her dearly.
She knows about me being terminal and texts me constantly to let me know that she loves me and if there’s anything I want/need to just let her know..
she still comes by to see me and I’ve had more free will recently so I’ve been able to do the same. Soon I won’t be able to do much of anything though because I’m so thin and only getting weaker so..
I know that it’s a cliche to not want to die a virgin, but I have a huge FOMO and want to feel what it’s like at least once.
I know that she’s done it before so it’s not like I’d be taking her virginity if she did agree to sleep with me. I think I love her (like romantically?) but I’d never tell her that for obvious reasons and she would never feel the same anyways.
But my point is that she is my only option and is the best option in my eyes.. there’s no one I’d rather do it with. Just to clarify, if she turned me down I would be perfectly OK with that, but I just worry that it’s wrong of me to ask.. what do you guys think