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Thursday, June 20, 2024


My boyfriend and I have been having a rocky patch. The underlying issue is that there is a power dynamic that is weighted in my favor, specifically because I make significantly more money than my boyfriend, and I own the house we live in.


I bought the house 6 months before I met him. It’s only my name on the deed and mortgage. I also was a high earner when I met him.

I work a job that requires a professional license and makes over 6 figures. My boyfriend is a delivery driver (think Grab Food) and makes probably what the median income for the area.

When it comes to the house, I pay roughly 73% of all household expenses. My boyfriend pays me a flat fee of $500 per month as his contribution to household/mortgage expenses. This amount has not changed in 5 years. I have paid for all repairs on the home (probably around 15k at this point) and furniture etc myself.

When we go on trips, I pay for them. We usually take 2 to 3 vacations a year. Sometimes he will cover the cost of the rental car but otherwise, it’s me paying for airfare and Airbnb costs, entertainment, etc. I do this because I’m well aware of the income disparity between us and I don’t want to add financial strain to him for things that aren’t ‘necessities’.

We’ve been arguing lately, and I think he’s bugged because he says when we are not getting along he doesn’t feel like the house is “his”. I know this must suck to feel like he would have to move, pay WAY more for living expenses, and change his whole lifestyle should we break up, so I can sympathize with that. Rents in this area are over $1,000/month in most cases.

But now, he’s saying to make him feel more secure, he would like a formula to determine how much of his $500/month went toward the mortgage, and then use that figure as his “minority stake/equity” in the home. Therefore, if we break up, I would owe him this amount as a payout. Currently the figure he’s come up with is $11,400 based on his math (at the end of this year he will have paid me a cumulative $30,000 in rent payments over the 5 years we’ve been together).

So in essence, he wants $11,400 should we break up and he has to vacate the home.

I wanted to get some other people’s reactions to this since I’m in total shock.

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