Hi all. 35/F here. Wondering if anyone has gone through this as well and if anyone can relate or has advice.
Since my last very serious BF, I have been dating for the past 10 years or so. In that time, I’ve had a couple relationships, the longest of which lasted a year.
However, in ten years of dating, maybe ~4 relationships lasting 6-12 months, and many shorter “situationships” shall we call them, not one single man has told me he loves me. Not one. Of the two longest and most serious relationships, one ended it after 8 months by saying he just felt like he should be in love with me by then but wasn’t. The other told me he was basically gearing himself up to tell me he loved me, but I dumped him for other reasons (very toxic relationship) before he ever did, if he would have at all.
This past week, a guy I dated for 4 months who was extremely compatible with me in terms of everything (goals, relationship goals, hobbies, etc), incredible mind blowing physical chemistry, and with which we both had such a easy and comfortable time together, were vulnerable etc with each other, ended things because he said he just didn’t feel himself falling for me.
I had just started feeling like I was falling for him and had asked him to DTR. Apparently another woman he was seeing also asked him to DTR the same week, and he decided to enter a relationship with her instead (ouch), I assume (but don’t know I guess) because he wasn’t feeling himself falling for me. Obviously, I am super hurt and the fact he stated he just didn’t feel he was falling for me triggered a lot because I feel like no guy does anymore, ever.
I guess I’m not sure what I’m seeking here, but I feel like I’ve become unlovable, and I don’t understand why. Obviously I’ve had relationships in the past (like over 10 years ago at this point thought) where I feel in love and it was mutual. But it seems impossible now, and I dread meeting people now that I feel an attraction with because it always ends up the same – we seem to have a great connection but then they just tell me they aren’t falling in love regardless, whilst I start falling for them.
What the hell am I doing wrong? Is this unusual? It makes me feel so horrible that I want to give up dating because I meet great people I click with and want to pursue something with, we seem compatible and having a great time, and yet….it just never goes further because they don’t fall for me.
Help! And yes I have a therapist but she really hasn’t been very useful.