We are very traditional and my mom and dad both spent at least part of their childhood in Malaysia. My dad was raised to believe that you marry a woman who will make a good mom and who fits some social requirements, and you can sleep with anyone you want on the side. I get that is something he was raised with, but he was in the SG at the time of his marriage and wasn’t totally unaware of how most people view marriage.
He married my mom because she was very nurturing and he knew she would make a great mom, but he had girlfriends on the side throughout their marriage. When I was 12 he met “Anna” at a party and he literally had my mom take the car and talk to her for 8 hours. She became his best friend which was greatly upsetting to my mom.
My dad and Anna definitely had an emotional affair, which became physical at some point. From 12-18 she was always around, hanging on him, making inappropriate jokes in front of my mom, sleeping over our house sometimes when she fought with her husband (Anna comes from a similar culture and married for money/status) Needless to say I hate Anna.
Soon after, he divorced my mom and immediately proposed to Anna. My mom has never gotten over this. She has zero idea how to date or move on and hates him to the point she hardly wants to be in the same room as him.
I’m getting married soon and decided to have my mom walk me down the aisle. When I told my dad he was clearly upset and ended our visit abruptly. Anna sent me a long long message about how I’m a privileged girl and I have no idea what it was like growing up in the kampong days and the things that shaped my dad, and that I am hurting him with my ignorance and righteousness. She said she hates that he is still paying for my wedding because I don’t deserve a thing.
At this point I want to uninvite Anna but probably won’t, but AITA for not having my dad walk me down the aisle. I love him. He was a great dad, but I feel that actions have consequences, and my mom is more deserving.