My boyfriend (25M) bought himself a gift on my (22F) birthday but made me pay for half our date. Am I being too sensitive or not appreciative enough?
(I’m sorry this is so long but there’s a lot of important context.)
So I’ve been with this guy for almost 3 years now. So before my actual birthday he “took me out” to dinner to a pretty expensive place, and I ended up paying for half. That was his birthday gift to me, which he thought was a great gift because he rarely wants to go on dates with me, and when we do go I pay for everything. So his gift to me was for him to spend time with me and pay for his own stuff this time, but I still ended up paying much more than normal because he chose an expensive place. But I’ll admit I had a great time, and we had a great night and I’m so happy we got to spend time together.
Some background: he doesn’t get paid enough and has been trying to pay off bills and stuff for years. Just really struggling financially, barely able to afford gas sometimes, so I have to help him out A LOT (keep in mind I’m a student so I’m struggling too). But he’s also not very good with saving money because he grew up living kinda lavishly and spends money on things he doesn’t need instead of saving. So I try giving him budgeting tips (like not buying $100 worth of groceries and letting it go to waste in the fridge while he orders delivery to “treat himself” every week), which he refuses to accept because “I’m an adult I know how to take care of myself”. So I’ve been just keeping my mouth shut.
But he told me weeks ago he couldn’t afford to do anything for my birthday because he just wouldn’t have enough to pay bills. To which I said “of course baby that’s fine I completely understand as long as we can spend some time together”. (Which we did, but he still chose to go out to an expensive restaurant??)
Then on my actual birthday my family decided to go out to dinner to celebrate. He came to the dinner and we were all headed back to my family’s house but he wanted to stop at the store on the way back to pick up a game for himself. I already knew he couldn’t afford to give me a birthday gift because he needs to save money, but somehow he was able to buy a game for himself IN FRONT OF ME ON MY BIRTHDAY, but couldn’t get me a $5 candle or even write me a card??
My family was waiting for us at the house too and they were asking what was taking so long, and I was embarrassed to tell them he wanted to get himself a game but didn’t get me anything, so I bought a $10 gift card and made him sign it so I would have something to show my family if they asked.
I tried questioning him like “hey babe remember you have bills to pay and you need to save money? Are you sure getting this game is the best idea?” and he took offense that I was trying to “mother him” again and was like “You’re so ungrateful for everything I do for you. I guess I’m not allowed to treat myself. Sorry you think I’m a horrible boyfriend”. And we were going back to my family and I didn’t want to start an argument on my birthday so I just let it go and haven’t mentioned it since.
Idk if I’m just not being understanding enough of his situation and not being appreciative that he did anything at all, because I know he’s super stressed and I don’t want to put any extra pressure on him or be too needy, but I still just feel kinda down about the whole situation and I’m not sure if it’s worth bringing up again.