This is a question for everyone with experience in relationships, especially on the financial side of things.
To give some context, I have been with my gf for 2 years. She is from a quite well-off family the kind who owns around 10 properties. My family is not well off, likely bottom ten percent of Singapore if you consider net worth. Her salary is about 3k a month and mine is around 15k a month. I am one year older than her.
My gf said some things to me last week which I found quite shocking.
Firstly she said she feels like dating a secondary school kid when she is dating me. She said because I often buy basic jewellery and food for her, or bubble tea which is a childish joke. She mentioned her friends’ boyfriends buy expensive watches and bags for them and even her parents buy expensive makeup and perfumes for her, so she expect her boyfriend to at least be able to match what her parents can give her because that is her standard. She said instead of giving her small gifts or writing cards to her, she rather I stop being a kid, so immature, grow up and buy her expensive things.
She said this is how adults date. Her friends who chose bfs or eventually husbands based on how much money they can give them, are all now very happy.
Secondly, she said she is upset at me for being so poor and earning so little money. I was very surprised to hear this come out of her mouth given that I make five times her salary. She said she feels sorry for me that I cannot spend more money and feel like paying for me so often. But I know she say say only, our expenditure when dating is almost entirely paid for by me. She swipes parents’ credit card even when shopping for herself. She said I am very incapable and I should reflect on why my salary is so low. She said she is unsure if she can continue dating such a low income guy like me.
I countered by saying actually on 3k a month, based on her own earning abilities, her lifestyle should be on the more budget end. By saying all these, it means she wants to use my income to upgrade her own lifestyle. I asked her to clarify if this is fact. She then said that is not true, my lifestyle is too budget for her and I need to up my game to match her standard. I was so confused so I said ok long story short, you just want me to buy you expensive bags and watches is it? She said yes. Then I said did you just contradict yourself then? She said well it is ugly to say it out directly, she is giving me a chance to be a real man and gentleman and take the hint and spend on her without saying it and making everything sound not nice.
She then went on to say she is unhappy that I help out my parents financially etc etc and that I cannot give her a sense of security unlike her friends’ boyfriends who spend 100 percent of their salary on their gfs and then borrow or take money from their parents to cover their own living costs. I countered by saying isn’t that leeching off the older generation? She scoffed and said that is called the power of a family, the power of a community. I know nothing about all these because I am from humble backgrounds and this is how the real world works.
I must admit I was super shocked to hear all of these. The only hint I ever got before this that she thinks this way was that she is always telling me about her friends’ successful golddigging attempts and how happy they are.
Do you people think any of her points are valid?
It sounds so messed up to me but she said everything so convincingly and matter of factly that I am not so sure anymore.