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Friday, June 21, 2024


Should I still stay on in the relationship? My bf of 4 years treats me really nice, trusting me a lot e.g. allow me to use his phone anytime anywhere, always updating me of his daily life when we are away, sharing his deep heartfelt thoughts of his life and his perspectives, always encourage open communication in our relationship and gives in to me frequently. We did not fight or quarrel since the day our relationship started, although there were a few occasions I gave him the cold shoulder due to small issues but he always tries to give me space and encourage me to voice out so we can resolve the issue.


However, few months back, I found out that he went for a sensual massage session with a happy ending. He used to share with me that some of his friends went to such places and he rolled eyes over their behavior. I also expressed my disgust for these guys as they went to such places even when they have wives, and spending bombs at these places. However, that fateful day, I chanced upon his credit card statement spending over there at that particular palour. I confronted him and he did not deny, I asked him why and he said he was curious. There was a long conversation about this but I chose to give him another chance in the rs.

This month, he went on a month long work trip to Malaysia. Similarly, he texted me everyday, updated me on his daily life, where he went for his weekend off days. He also asked me twice for permission to go drinking at a bar with his colleagues. He said if I don’t allow him to go then he will not go. Knowing that he wants to go actually and that me being so far away am unable to control his whereabouts, I said its ok to go. I don’t want to restrict him also. However, the sensual massage incident that happened few months back made me have some trauma and I felt skeptical about him going, but still, let him be. He did text me on and off during those drinking sessions and showed me videos of the place and who he was with too.

However, when he returned back last week, I came across a conversation on his phone with one of the colleage that went to Malaysia with him. Turns out that one night, after he texted me good night at 12mn, he went out to a club with his friend and drank. There were hostesses with them and they all hung out till 4am in the morning. He did text me at 4am, saying hi. I asked him the next day why he was still awake at 4am, he said he went to drink water. Looking back, I felt scared. Why did he not tell me the truth? Why did he ask me for permission for the other drinking sessions but not this?

I reflected. I realised it is actually so tough for me to build back the trust I had for him. In the past, I would take his word for real. However, now I am being more and more skeptical, and I hate it.


When he is away from me for the day and he did not text me for more than 3 hrs, I would think if he did go somewhere to do funny things? Because this happened exactly on that day he went to the sensual massage session. He did not reply my texts for 3 hrs, because that period he was having his massage session.

When he went overseas for a few days due to work, I would be so worried that he would go out to clubs or hitch girls, so I ensured that he constantly texts me at least every 30 mins, so I know he is not engaged with other things.

Few days back, I chanced upon his bank app that shows he withdrew cash from an ATM that was the same location as the sensual massage location. I start to get paranoid again and thoughts ran wild. Did he visit the place again? Why did he withdraw so much cash? He don’t usually use cash for transactions. Then I traced back our messages. That day at that timing, he did not text me for 2 hrs straight. Did he have another session again?

I feel these thoughts of mine is not healthy and am feeling scared. If I am always going to be so skeptical and paranoid when he loses contact with me and am not by my side, with me knowing his whereabouts and watching over him, I feel this is stressful and unhealthy. I also realised that I cannot give him the full trust I had given him at the start of the rs.

Should I still continue the rs? How do I build this trust back? Will it ever return?

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