Boyfriend won’t come inside me even with condom
So basically the title. I’m on birth control which he literally sees me take daily since we live together. We also use condom just to be super safe. But no matter what, he will not finish inside me.
He will pull out with the condom on EVERY TIME. I have tried talking to him about this and he has no reason not to trust me (he’s my first and only).
Is there anything I can do to reassure him? I just for once would like him to finish inside me (w/ condom on!)?
Netizens’ comments
- When you use birth control + another form of protection, you have a high enough chance of avoiding pregnancy that most people are willing to take that miniscule risk. But it’s NOT zero chance. Granted, the only way to avoid pregnancy is abstinence, but if your man is an expert at pulling out, I would say the chances go down a little more. If either of you are opposed to abortion for non-medical reasons and you aren’t ready for a child, what he’s doing is very wise.
On the other hand, my then bf (now hubby) was always begging me to let me finish inside while I was on BC, and even now that I’m not LOL (he doesn’t force it when I say no, so please don’t reply dissing him). I’m no longer on BC and although I’m married and know hubby will 100% take responsibility if I get pregnant, I still make him use condoms because I don’t want to take that chance, however minuscule.
- I had a recent pregnancy scare with a girl who was on bc and it messed me up mentally. Neither of us would want to have a child with one another at this time. After that event, i started pulling out with the condom on.
I see your pov, i mentioned this to some of my female friends and got absolutely roasted. Don’t think of it as distrust. Like myself, maybe your partner knows he’s not capable of even having a scare right now. It’s a draining experience.
Maybe when he’s getting close, you can take the condom off and use your hands or mouth if you want to feel the satisfaction of making him come.
- If this is about not getting you pregnant then the dude is probably ignorant about the relative risk of what he’s doing. Over a year, birth control pills are 99% effective, condoms are 98% effective, so just those two methods combined are already at 99.98% effectiveness (i.e. if 10000 couples who were on the pill and used condoms all had intercoure for a year, 2 of those couples would get pregnant).
If a 2 in 10000 chance of you getting pregnant is more risk than he can handle, well, that’s his choice. Have you discussed what would happen if you did accidentally get pregnant? That’s a really important thing to know. Honestly if I was sleeping with someone who said they could never get an abortion I would probably just stop sleeping with them… but I also might consider pulling out when I came!
- I can see in a comment you haven’t discussed with him what you’d do in the 10000 to 1 odds you got pregnant, but that is a very real and rational concern.
Understand it’s not a lack of trust, it’s that if you do get pregnant he no longer has a say. It’s your body and your decision what to do with it. But if you decide to go through with a pregnancy (whether that be because after reflection you want a child, that you feel too nervous to go through with an abortion, familial pressure, or any other reason) then he IS responsible for that child. Financially for the next 18 years of it’s life at least if not more but if he takes on the responsibility of being a father and staying with you then his life is forever changed.
It’s no longer about him, it’s about that child. He needs to suddenly learn how to be a parent really quick. Plan for education, lots of sleepless nights, working extra hard for the expenses of raising a whole child, next to no time with friends, suddenly planning a lot of schedules and meetings with professionals, and that’s all the basic stuff. And any dreams or goals he had for himself are now either on hold or gone, if he’s especially young well there goes his youth. No parties, very little if any time off, less chances for intimacy with you of any kind (children demand a LOT of attention), and I’m not sure how long you two have been together so if this is still a fairly new relationship and incompatibilities in lifestyle show up down the line he just has to deal.
If you get pregnant he loses all agency in a decision that could majorly change the course of his life. He doesn’t get a say in what you do with your body. He can discuss what would happen with you but at the end of the day regardless of what you tell him or what you agree on…if in that moment you change your mind he’s now a father. And if he genuinely cares for that child it’s not just for 18 years it’s for life. It’s a big decision and it only takes one occurrence. Given that, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be a bit extra careful for the sake of a moment’s pleasure.