I don’t want to care for my autistic brother when my parents die. He just turned 18 and my parents are starting to make plans. I can’t bring myself to tell them.
I have pretty much been told since I was a young child that I’d be in charge of caring for my younger brother when I’m older.
My parents have always been very against putting him in a home but he can’t live independently. My mom’s dream is that I’ll live in a big enough house where he can live, so he’ll have some independence but I’ll still be there.
Also, I wanna travel and raise my own kids, she just wants me to take my brother along for all of this.
Growing up, I was expected to sacrifice whatever I needed to in order to make my brother happy. There was one time when he wanted to wear my shirt because it was purple, I didn’t wanna trade shirts because his was too small and didn’t cover me properly.
I was in that awkward puberty phase of wearing training bras and was worried people would see it if I put on (his) white shirt. My mom made us switch shirts, and I cried the rest of the time we were out because my stomach and training bra were both visible.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
He just turned 18, and my parents want to start making formal arrangements.
I don’t want to take care of my brother. I spent my teen years resenting him, I just want to have a life that isn’t dependent on what he can and can’t do; I did that for 18 years and it was hell.
I don’t know how to tell my family. My parents have supported me financially while I’ve gone through school. I can’t afford for them to take their money back right now.
They would kill me now if I suggested putting him in a home. I feel stuck and I have absolutely no idea what to do.