My love language is acts of service. I’m the type of person to buy my boyfriend something when I think of him and get excited whenever I give it to him.
I always offer him food when he’s over at my house, always made sure he was comfortable (food, drinks, whatever he needs etc.) I always offer him food whenever im eating or have food no matter how big or small.
I do it because one, Its common courtesy and good manners and two, because I’m happy when he’s taken care of. I invited him to family dinners at restaurants and he didn’t have to pay for anything.
I go as far as offering and feeding him in the car while he’s driving and has his hands full because I feel bad that I’m eating next to him and he’s not able to because his hands are on the wheel.
Recently when I saw him i bought him waffles and starbucks without him even having to ask.
The problem is, he’s the exact opposite. And despite me voicing out my concerns and having arguments about it, things didn’t really change much.
He would eat beside me or in front of me and not offer me anything. We would go inside a store and he would only get something for himself and pay for them but rarely offers to get me anything or pay for mine even though its something as small as a chocolate bar.
I always pay or offer to pay for my own things which I don’t mind because I’m independent and I don’t mind doing it for myself.
It happens very often though and i lately find myself feeling like I’m single in terms of not having someone who looks out for me.
When we first started dating, I’d go hours at his house without being offered anything. After I voiced these things in an argument, he has paid or given me food sometimes but its very inconsistent and hasn’t done that lately.
He would ask me one day if i wanted something and the next day he’d eat and not offer (that type of inconsistency).
We’d be driving in the car and I would tell him I’m starving, he’d brush it off and forget about it and continue driving (i hate having to ask. i used to have poor boundaries)
Another time, we went for a drive and I literally told him I was starving and was feeling pain in my stomach and needed to stop for food asap and he said sure but continued driving more.
Had I not make a big deal out of it, he wouldn’t have gotten out and stopped by a restaurant. I was so dehydrated my pee was dark orange and smelled strongly of ammonia (it was that bad).
We had an argument about it and he was still coming up with lame excuses but promises to change.
Fast forward to months later, today, in the car, he started eating his food beside me and didn’t offer me anything yet again so when i got mad he said he didn’t know what was wrong and that he got me something but was waiting for me to finish what i was doing
(sure you got me food, but i didn’t even know about it because you didn’t tell me. How are you gonna start eating on your own and not think to include me? Not even a “hey i got us food lets eat together”!!)
He said he was waiting for me to finish what i was doing and that he wasn’t really eating, he was just checking to see if it was still too hot to eat (uh, what?)
His excuses: “I didnt know”, “you didn’t speak up”, “i wasnt sure where you wanted to eat,” “you always say no when i offer” (yet he offers food he knows i dont eat). All BS obviously. Honestly I could go on and on.
I grew up in a generous and caring household so this isnt something im used to nor I can ever get used to. Don’t even get me started on how i found out he had contact with his ex via phone and gave her money.
So I left him. Taking myself to a nice treat because how tf did I tolerate that. Why the hell did i give so much care and received so less?