i (21f) love my boyfriend (22m). we just celebrated our 4 year anniversary. we’ve already discussed long-term plans (marriage, living together) and i am so ecstatic about the future we want to build together. i couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else.
he engages in a lot of recreational activities like skateboarding. he is really good at it and even got his younger brother (19) to start skateboarding as well. this has made him and his brother really close.
sometimes the three of us will hang out, whether it’s going out to a party or them at the skate park while i’m on the sidelines watching them. i have definitely formed a bond with his brother throughout the years of me and my boyfriend dating.
he has a lot of friends through skating but only sees and hangs out with a select few regularly.
there is one friend in particular my boyfriend hangs out with pretty much once or twice weekly. they always invite me to hang with them so i go whenever i can.
this one friend always makes sure i’m feeling included and not left out. unlike some of his other friends, i feel comfortable carrying a conversation with him and not think i’m being awkward. i consider him one of the nicest ones out of all my boyfriends friends.
i feel like the more i hang out with his brother and friend, the more i start thinking about them. the more i’ve felt a bond with them the more i’ve fantasized about sleeping with them. like separately of course.
i think the onset of these fantasies is because i had a dream like a year ago in which his brother was randomly present? i don’t even remember what the dream consisted of but it felt very pleasant. i don’t know is this is the case, but maybe.
obviously i love my boyfriend too much to ever act upon these fantasies and ruin the relationship we’ve had for the last 4 years, but i unfortunately let my mind wander into thinking what intimacy would be like with not just these two other men, but the two people my boyfriend is closest with.
i don’t know if this is normal, but i feel extremely guilty anytime i let all these unfaithful thoughts cross my mind.