Life swap from jc to Uni: I became them and they became me
It’s amazing how the lives of me and my friends can turn upside down within years. I don’t know about hormonal/mental health/medical reasons, but me and them SWAPPED upside down?
I am not who I used to be.
When I was in JC, I was the only one in class who had a boyfriend. Nobody else in class had boyfriends, everyone else was focused on studying.
From the age of 16-19 (ie before university), I was healthy and happy. I used to be super into romance novels and movies, I think I saw about 20 per year? And I used to (yeah past tense) cry a lot at the sad and touching parts where the rest of my jc mates felt absolutely nothing. I was the only one who shed so much tears at romantic films and even songs.
In that time, I was the only A in class for a lot of subjects. I was the top few in my jc class for A levels.
Then, my life took a sharp turn and I could barely recognise myself. Throughout University and even work, I NEVER had a boyfriend any more. I lost complete interest. My jc mates who never had a crush on anyone found boyfriends in University, while I was left single.
every time friends gathered to discuss their “targets”, I’d be sitting there with a BLANK LOOK. I suddenly realised that I have not had a crush on ANYONE in years and I forgot what the feeling was.
I’d still go for outings and gatherings with everyone but just as friends, I can’t pinpoint a single person to “love”. This lost feeling followed me until graduation and into work.
One by one, my jc friends who previously never had boyfriends all got married. Even the one who never had a crush from jc all the way until University, met her Prince Charming at work and married young. The introverted one who only talked to a few girls found her husband in church. The one who aspired to be a nun since 17, is now married to a long term boyfriend she met at University.
I watched as their tears flowed down at their weddings, while I sat there dry eyed each time, thinking”this used to be me. Why can’t I feel anything now?” After age 20, my tears of being touched suddenly stopped flowing, the feels stopped coming, and I never was interested in a single romance movie.
Without the ability to love, My grades went all the way down, and I barely scraped past the honours. No more A for any module.
Youth is so beautiful. I miss being young. How did these friends suddenly go from asexual and aromantic to happily married? Are they truly in love or did they just pick someone who loves them without them loving the other party back?
What’s going on?