My standards are so low that i will admire anyone who treats me with basic kindness, and that’s dangerous
I’ve been thinking about it recently. For context, I have always been self conscious. I’ve always assumed that people dislike me, even if they’re my friend.
I’ve always had a mindset that is so toxic and negative towards myself. So, when someone is even slightly nice to me, it seems like a big thing.
It doesn’t help either that I’ve never been popular, usually left out and not spoken to. When people as much as bother to speak to me at school, and seem nice, I immediately want to be their friend, or worse; I develop a crush on them.
This has happened multiple times, and usually the crush only lasts for a bit, but in doing this I’m starting to realize how vulnerable that makes me.
I could be emotionally manipulated SO EASILY.
My friend actually pointed this out recently, saying that I could even be groomed easily. And I hate to say it… but she had a point.
After living in a world that I think is against me, I will take any and all kindness I can get; I will treasure it, but not in a healthy way.
More in a way like I’ve been deprived of it. And I really haven’t. I think that I’ve been living inside my head so much that my whole world view has been twisted. Honestly, I just wish I knew why.