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Sunday, October 1, 2023


A netizen shared how her boyfriend cheated on her before and as a result, she spent years overthinking and becoming paranoid.


Here is the story:

If a man has cheated once, will he cheat again? I have thought about this for a couple of years. I used to panic and have anxiety and wonder if he will cheat again and this had resulted in many sleepless nights. I wasted a lot of time checking his phone only to find nothing.

A few times I have broken out in cold sweat just from noticing texts which consisted of normal conversations between him female colleagues talking about work.

Since I have learnt to regulate my emotions better after therapy I don’t get triggered as badly as before and would ask him for clarification when I feel insecure. Sometimes I just wanted to know. My mind tends to go back to the past and wondered why didn’t I ask him when I had a feeling something was off.

If I did, I could have stopped it from happening. But I came back to the same conclusion each time. No matter what I do or didn’t do, it’s going to happen one way or another so it didn’t have to be this woman, it could have been any woman with the same set of loose morals.


The problem was him from the very beginning. He had loose boundaries, that’s why it happened. It was just an earthquake waiting to happen and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it.

I have heard this advice many times in the beginning just after I had discovered the affair. But it took years later to have it register into my brain and also into my heart.

No point worrying if he will cheat again. Because his actions are out of my control. I can only control my own actions. I have told him if he does this again I will be gone. Sometimes when he feel only shame and remorse I feel more alone and frustrated. Sometimes when he’s willing to carry my pain and hurt when I get triggered I feel my burden had been lifted bit by bit. It’s really was a 3 steps forward 2 steps back process.

It’s been more than 5 years. One day, I just looked at him and felt something inside me. I no longer worry if he will cheat on me again. Because I knew exactly what I was going to do when that happens. Then I realised I had already forgiven him for his infidelity. I know this is not proof that he won’t cheat again, but at least for me, my mind is finally peaceful.

Editor’s note: Well I’m glad you finally found peace, in a way.

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