I put on lingerie for my bf and he was dissatisfied, making my confidence plummet
I am 20 years old in a 2 year relationship with my 25 year old boyfriend. Im an empathetic HSP (highly sensitive person) while he is an extremely a blunt/opinionated hyper-masculine man. For the past month, we have been consistently arguing/disagreeing with each other. Now, I’m going to tell you what happened last night that was supposed to be a romantic evening that ended up being a bust.:
So, after a month of constant arguing and disagreements, we finally went on a date night and had a good time. The next day, I had a special sexy night planned for us. I had a Maid lingerie set ready to wear and I was going to cook us a good meal. It was my attempt to basically make up and create an intimate moment for us so that we can start craving each other again.
Now, its the night and he’s over at my place, unaware of the special night I have planned. I excitedly when to the bathroom to change into my lingerie, and when I reappeared in my sexy outfit (feeling cute n sexy), my bf said with an unimpressed look on his face, “So THAT’S what took you so long in the bathroom?”. I say “Yes” and then he proceeds to ask me “Who bought that? You bought that? Why?” and it instantly killed my mood.
I then ask him if he liked it, hoping he would point out SOMETHING that looks nice about me. But he then says “Eh, I don’t really care for it. I like it better when you wore when we went on our date.”
After hearing that I felt unsexy and embarrassed, it actually hurt my feelings. I then left again to change into regular clothes, but then he said, “I never said it was ugly. You wore the lingerie because that’s what YOU like, not me. You should have asked me first.”
I understand that but I felt his reaction was so harsh. I just began to cry, HARD. I felt that my efforts weren’t good enough to him. Our relationship is lacking intimacy, and here I am trying to fix it but it’s not in the exact way he wants it.
Never did he compliment me. He didnt even comfort me as I was crying. When I told him that what he said/ his reaction hurt my feelings, he flipped it on me that it’s MY fault I’m hurt, not his. He’s always telling me that I’m “too sensitive” when I really just want his to acknowledge my efforts and my feelings too (he’s an excellent gaslighter).
I just wanted us to have an intimate, comforting night. I wanted him to see how hard I’m trying. But I guess it wasn’t good enough….