I hate how scared I am to stand up for myself in even the simplest interactions with men
I just moved to a condo, and I’m subletting an apartment from a woman while I look for a place to stay long-term. Her roommate is a man, around her age (late 30s I think). He’s seemed nice for the most part and our paths don’t cross much.
Anyways, tonight he texted me an update about some toilet repairs, and that he noticed I’ve left the door unlocked a few times. I reply, apologizing for the door, and let him know I do lock it every time I leave (which is true!), and that maybe I’m not turning the key all the way.
He responded and essentially mansplained how locks work, and that there’s no “in between, only locked and unlocked.” Like… I effing know that you lan jiao lang!
I spent 10 long minutes in my notes app drafting a response where I reiterated that I was sorry and would double-check the door from now on, as well as a brief retort to let him know that I am in fact aware of how locks work.
But then my fearful urge to avoid all conflict kicked in and I just apologized a second time.
I feel so mad at myself because I know it’s just a silly stupid thing about a lock but I feel like any man would not spend this much time stressing over such a simple interaction or worry that sticking up for himself would make his roommate kick him out or make him uncomfortable in the future.
And I’m just angry because I hate dumbing myself down or toning down my anger and genuine response to bullshit mansplaining but I don’t know how to stop myself from getting these feelings of fear and anxiety.