When I started dating my boyfriend, I knew he was going to get enlist to the army sooner or later.
It wasn’t something I was unaware of when we started dating, and it was something I was okay with. I was proud of him for wanting to serve his country, and I was willing to make the commitment to him to stay together while he was away.
But now, a few months into our relationship, I’m starting to have second thoughts. I’m not sure if it’s the thought of him being deployed to god knows where that is making me feel this way, or if it’s something else.
Recently, my boyfriend’s brother came to visit for a few days and I found myself drawn to him.
We talked a lot, and I felt like we really connected. He was sweet, and funny, and I could tell he really cared about me. He even said he was sorry that I had to go through this with his brother as if he could sense I was feeling conflicted about the situation.
The more time I spent with his brother, the more I started to think about my relationship with my boyfriend. I started to think that maybe his brother was more “tasty” than my boyfriend. He seemed to be more attentive and understanding of my feelings, and he seemed to really want to make me happy.
I felt guilty for having these thoughts, but I couldn’t help it. I started to dread the thought of my boyfriend leaving, and I began to think that maybe it would be better if I just ended things before he left. I knew that would be the easiest way to avoid the pain of being apart.
But then I thought about how much I cared for my boyfriend, and how much he meant to me. I knew that he was an amazing person, and I knew that I would miss him terribly if I broke up with him. I knew that he had no choice but to serve in the military and I felt like I should be there to support him in that.
But I am someone who is very straightforward and responds to what my body needs. Things happened between me and his brother and we promised to keep it a secret.
I have my needs.
It’s been 2 years and the guilt is killing me.