How should I move on?
I think I have a crush on someone whom I have a direct working relationship with but I am not 100% sure.
Initially, I felt the feelings were mutual or I could be overthinking. He will ask me out for meals but it did not happen because I was afraid to face my true feelings back then, especially in a private setting. So I turned him down with excuses or just simply changed topics.
Our work doesn’t require us to meet as often. We can communicate perfectly through texts but everything went out of focus and I couldn’t even say half the things I wanted whenever I see him in real life.
I think of him every day. I talked about him to my close friends but I have been very mindful to the things I share. He seems to be popular in many people eyes but due to the nature of our work, I get to see the real side of him.
And the more I know, the more I was being drawn to him. Sometimes I just don’t want anyone else to get closer to him. Perhaps I just want to be the person he can share his secrets with, his fears, his plans and his success. Not only me but first me.
I am confused by all these fluctuating feelings knowing how our working relationship will complicate things far worse than what already is. There is no way we can continue working in the same environment regardless of the outcome. It has a direct impact to our careers.
We have a very strong chemistry and connection when it comes to work. We trust each other and I don’t want to destroy it. I believe none of us would want to take that risk.
I really don’t know how to move on. No one else matters to me. I do have options but I find it difficult to even try to start a relationship with someone else. It will unfair to the next guy if this feeling is not completely gone. I have been struggling for more than a year now.
Things are getting quite awkward, at least for me. Not sure if he sensed it. Looking back, I kinda regret not taking the chance at the earlier stage. Many times I thought of giving up but the things he does or say will always pull me back again.
Give me some advice.