Secrets to your grave
I wanna get this off my chest once and for all. I’ve been keeping it in and intend to bring this to the grave as it has stopped bothering me until recently which idk what happened but I wake up and go to bed with this on my mind everyday.
I know I’m not any better and I f up too.
I am an ultra-sensitive person by nature and I tend to feel emotions more than people normally would. I also can sort of sense it if someone is lying or not being themselves and this has caused me great hurt over the years.
Firstly. My partner and I got engaged 6 months ago and together for 4 years. Prior to that when we first started talking and shared about our exes, I trusted her 100% but as time went by, I slowly discovered small lies in some things that she tells me and they led me to snoop on her phone about a year in.
She told me she was a V, never did any X stuff with her ex etc but what I found in her messages made me hate myself for even wanting to find out something I wasn’t ready for.
Messages like “I bleed when we first did” and other dirty messages between her girlfriends confirmed my suspicion. Throughout our rs, I always felt a part of her hasn’t gotten over her ex and recently I got to know that she actually stalked her ex-sister to find out how her ex is doing because she scrolled thru her messages with one of her friend and I happen to read it briefly. There was something along the line of her friend asking her why she did it and her reply was something like “remembering him”.
We did S and before yall blast me for it, I’m a V before and I’m not wanting a V partner but rather I’m upset because I got lied to, I can’t do anything and I most definitely still love her. I too regret snooping.
I guess the point here is I hate this feeling of being lied to (she lied because of religion that she can’t do Xxx) and I hate that I cant confront her about it. I hate it even more it’s bothering me when it shouldn’t and I’m afraid this will one day lead to resentment.
It’s something I might very well have to live with and bring it to the grave with me.