Failure in Life
Growing up having parents who argue and fights and eventually having my Dad abandoning us altogether.
Due to the lack of Dad’s presence, I always hope to find a man who can be there for me and give me some supports and care.
In my early adult lifes, I have a few relationships but it doesn’t last long.
I did realised that I might have look for love in all the wrong places but I am not to a point of being desperated, just want to fill the emptiness because my Mum began to blame me due to my Dad leaving as I was not born a boy that they hope for.
I end up with all sort of guys: Gangster, drug addict,abuser,cheater. Each time getting myself fill with betrayals and very much hurts.
Till I was in my 30s, I tell myself hey, enough is enough! I began to upgrade myself and took up private course and drifted my mind to something useful. That’s put me off searching for love for a couple of years.
Till I change my working environment after graduating, I start to have a relationship again. It lasts longest,7 years to be actual, till one day, the guy went MIA. It was after another 3 years that I saw him again and he confessed that he was making use of me all these time and after I cannot help him anymore, it’s time he leave. You see, he was not well to do and didn’t have a stable job so I help him whenever possible.
It was so hurtful!
I went on to another company and years later, my colleague ask me to try being with him. I was very reliated because of my previous relationship. I am scare to be make use and wasting time again as I am
not any younger so I just pull it off.
However, after he left the company and return to his country and I also left the company subsequently, he waited for me for 10 years and throughout this period, we stay as good friends. One day, he ask the question again and I was touched because these 10 years, he was a pillar of support, he give care and often checks on me( he is a foreigner posted to another country for work). So I agreed. The first year went by good and we finally meet up again. We spend many good moments and even met his family members in his hometown. Till lately, he starts to give cold shoulders and went unresponsive most of the time. He can be online, read the messages but doesnt reply on a daily basis. Words become lessers and the only conversation we have is good morning and good night. I start to feel disappointed again because why is it always end up like this? Very nice and good at the start but very brittle and hurting as time passed. I am not a lady who wants a house, car, money.. I am totally not a control freak, I allowed friendship with opposite sex, I dont stalk, dont argue, dont demand, dont questions. Basically, I trust and just want real concerns, a person who can listen, talk to and love. It is just so simple but why is it that it seems like no one cherish and no one feels for a person like this? I always wonder what’s wrong with me? And I doing it all wrong or I just simply don’t deserves love in my lifetime. Anyone have similar encounters? Will like to know your experience and thoughts. Thank you for reading