I am autistic with severe anxiety. Because of these two things, I do a lot of weird things. I don’t really have social boundaries.
I make weird noises and funny faces, I dance around a lot, I ramble at length about why I am feeling anxious. My boyfriend often tells me this is annoying or embarrassing to him especially if it is done in public.
This has always made me sad, but I’ve tried to comply. Lately it’s been getting worse though. Hes been saying my anxiety attacks are annoying complaining fits to him.
He’s told me that when I am acting that way I am not fun to be around. Even on little things, like planning something, Ive ben shot down with a ‘Thats so far in the future why are you thinking about it now. Everything could change by then?’ and all in all I have felt really unsupported and like me and my desires and feelings are on the back burner compared to his.
Ive brought this up, and got a bit of an apology where he said that he was just worried about me and he didnt mean to make me feel like Im a burden or something he has to deal with. But pretty much right after the same language was being used making me feel the same way. He’s even made my issues feel trivial saying things like “man I wish I had that problem instead of the ones I have. My issues suck” (He also has depression/anxiety but we display almost opposite symptoms)
Well when venting to a friend about how I am feeling I was told that they think I am being selfish bc im forcing these things on to him when jes clearly not interested in them and that I was being selfish and making it about me.
So now Im worried that I am pushing him away and that this is all my fault/responsibility.