I never thought I’d telling this out in the open and this took a lot of courage. I’m on the verge of ending my 6 year long relationship with my partner but I’m so conflicted because I’m scared I’m making a mistake because somewhere in the back of my head I think he’ll change.
He is always very self centered, doesn’t really care about me after all these while
I’m unhappy and don’t like being tied up with this person who has no regard whatsoever of my feelings or even existence in his life. I strongly feel he just wants company.
I would really like to work on our relationship but I’ve lost all hopes and don’t know what to do. I have been going through this for years now so it’s a long read, I’m sorry.
No communication, he does not talk, completely shuts me off if I do. We’re always watching something on the tv when spending time together. Avoids resolving conflicts, every time we have an argument he tells me to stop talking about it and says I’m nagging and doesn’t like my voice.
Well its obviously going to feel like nagging when I’m the only one talking and he says nothing and that annoys me and makes it sound like a nag! Makes me feel that I’m crazy to even have a problem when we’re talking about issues and then makes me feel like I’m always making a big deal.
He is selfish with things he owns and plans he makes.
Plans only for himself (never includes me) an example: I have been asking him for the past 3 years to join the gym with me just because we’ve both been wanting to lose some weight and get healthy again and he’s always denied but after 3 years just 3 months ago when his friends decide to, he very willingly decides to join with them.
He conveniently tells me I’ll be going to the gym with so and so without any hesitation even though he hasn’t gone up till now because he’s extremely lazy but this decision upset me very much because I have been trying to go together for years.
Only looks for pleasuring himself during s- (no kisses, no intimacy, no foreplay, not much eye contact) he always wants to have a quickie and I’ve spoken about how I’d like us to have longer s-, like some foreplay or kissing but he always tells me he’s tired or next time.
I love pleasing him and I do things that I know please him but never receive it in return. I don’t like having s- with him anymore.
Makes me feel unattractive, he’s never complementing me or sharing views on anything I do or wear differently.
Uses me for his advantage, I have asked him multiple times to get his drivers license but he keeps delaying it even though HE WORKS NEAR THE PLACE THAT ISSUES DRIVERS LICENSE.
He always says that he can apply any day. He keeps asking me actually expecting me to drive him when HE THINKS I have free time. There’s many more instances like this.
No plans for the future, Says we’re too young to do grown up things like making plans about where we want our relationship going, career paths, investing into a house together I understand if not it’s not now but in the coming years.
But doesn’t even want to do things like go for dinners, parties, bar, watch a movie, just for a walk in the park, eat ice cream, bowling, golfing etc.. He even refuses to go out on dinners with my family.
I keep using the excuse that he’s an introvert who enjoys staying home and that we enjoy watching movies together as a way to spend time together I’ve said this to others and to myself to the point that I started believing it but honestly I resent it.
I hate that we’re always at home and that he doesn’t want to go out, even going to watch a movie is a struggle that I’ve started to think of ways I can trick him into going out with me by pre-purchasing tickets so he can’t back out last minute and I feel so heart broken doing this because I never want to have to trick him to do something.
I know he’s not an introvert because he very much enjoys going out with his friends whenever they make a plan even if that’s 8pm on a work night. It’s not often but that’s definitely because his friends have a life but I’m certain if they planned frequently, he’d be going.
When it’s with me, he’s always tired, has a headache or some other bs excuse to not do anything. If I had a dollar for the amount of times he’s used a headache as an excuse to not do something I’d be able to pay off my student loan.
There’s things like he’s messy, lazy, inconsiderate, unorganized, self centred and so on but those really aren’t reasons for me to finish things off. I feel realization for these little things come to people with responsibility and time.
But the bigger things that really upset me have been bothering me for a very long time now and it only gets worse. I think I don’t want to continue this relationship anymore but I truly love this man and I’d do anything for him to finally realize and try to change.
My mother did and is still doing the same and I don’t want that repeating honestly I’m just looking for some advice because I’m not sure what I should do anymore.