Girlfriend swore she was a pure V, after our first night I discovered her secret 5-year-old child living in Johor Bahru
I (29M) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for about a year and a half. We met through mutual friends at a gathering in Clarke Quay. She was soft-spoken, sweet, deeply religious, and always held strong traditional values.
Throughout our dating phase, she was extremely strict about physical boundaries. Every time things got a bit passionate in the car or at my place, she would stop me and say she wanted to save herself for marriage, or at least until we got officially engaged and applied for a BTO flat. I respected her immensely for this. In a modern society where dating culture is so fast-moving, I thought I had struck gold—a pure, innocent girl who truly valued tradition. We even put down a deposit for an HDB BTO unit in Tengag.
Last month, we went on our first overseas trip together to a resort in Bali to celebrate our 1.5-year anniversary. That night, after months of waiting, we finally had intimacy.
However, during the entire process, something felt very off. There was noticeable stretch mark scarring around her lower abdomen that looked distinctly like a C-section surgical scar, not just weight loss marks. Furthermore, her reactions and behavior were far from someone experiencing intimacy for the first time. I didn’t say anything immediately because I didn’t want to ruin the mood or sound body-shaming.
The real bomb dropped the next morning. While she was taking a shower, her phone kept vibrating incessantly on the bedside table. It was a WhatsApp video call from a Malaysia number named “Mama JB”. I usually don’t check her phone, but the call rang three times consecutively, so I thought it might be an emergency regarding her family. I picked up the video call.
On the screen was an elderly auntie holding a little boy who looked around 4 or 5 years old. The moment the kid saw my face on the screen, he shouted happily in Cantonese: “Mami! Mami! Where are you? Why you never buy toy for me?”
The auntie on the call froze when she saw me, asked who I was in Cantonese, and quickly hung up the call.
My heart completely dropped into my stomach. When my girlfriend stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I held up her phone and asked her directly who the child on the video call was. Her face instantly went pale, turning completely white. She started trembling and burst into hysterical tears.
Under intense questioning, the whole truth finally spilled out: When she was 21 living in Johor, she had an intense relationship with her Malaysian ex-boyfriend. She got pregnant accidentally, decided to keep the baby, and underwent a C-section delivery. The ex-boyfriend turned out to be a complete deadbeat who abandoned her shortly after. To escape the social stigma and support the child, she left the boy in JB to be raised by her mother (the kid’s grandmother), while she came over to Singapore to work as a WP/EP holder in marketing, sending $800 back every month.
She lied to me about being a V, fabricated an entirely fake innocent persona, and hid the existence of her 5-year-old child for 18 whole months because she knew no Singaporean guy would take her seriously or agree to BTO with her if they knew she was a single mother with baggage across the causeway.
She kept crying, kneeling on the hotel floor, begging me for forgiveness: “I really love you! I was so scared you would leave me! I swear I won’t ask you to adopt him, my mother will continue raising him in JB!”
I packed my bags, checked out of the resort room immediately, and caught the next available flight back to Changi. I feel completely betrayed, disgusted, and emotionally manipulated. The issue isn’t even just that she has a child—it’s the elaborate, sociopathic level of lying for 1.5 years, using “purity” as a weapon to make me commit to her and buy a house with her.
Now I am struggling with the HDB BTO cancellation process. If we break up and forfeit the flat, we stand to lose our $10k deposit and admin fees. Should I cut my losses immediately and surrender the deposit, or is there any way to appeal to HDB to release my name without penalty due to relationship fraud?