CB really cannot take it anymore. Grab driver almost met my maker today.
I’m going to go mental. Today is officially the jialat-est day of my driving career. You think driving 12 hours under the hot sun is hard? Try driving 12 hours while trapped in a 1.6-litre gas chamber.
I kena three back-to-back passengers with body odour (BO) so powerful, I think my NEA air quality sensor would have turned purple and exploded.
First rider, pick up from some industrial estate. The moment he opened the door, the smell hit me like a physical punch to the face. It wasn’t just “sweaty” smell—it was “I haven’t used soap since the LKY era” smell. I immediately wound down all my windows. He had the cheek to ask me, “Uncle, why so hot still open window? Aircon spoilt ah?”
Brother, my aircon is fine. My nostrils are the ones that are spoilt. I had to drive from Tuas to Tampines with my head sticking out the window like a Golden Retriever just to survive.
Then, second rider. Pick up from gym. I thought, okay, gym goer, maybe a bit of sweat smell, I can tahan. NOPE. This one was “stale protein shake mixed with wet dog.” The smell was so thick I could practically see it swirling in the air like a haze. I was literally holding my breath until my face turned red. Every time I took a tiny sniff, I felt my soul leaving my body. I almost beat the red light because I was dizzy from the lack of oxygen.
The third one was the final boss. Corporate guy in a suit. You’d think he’d smell like Dior Sauvage, right? Wrong. He smelled like onions that had been fermented in a longkang for three weeks. The moment he sat down, my car’s Ionizer gave up and died. I’m not joking—the light went off. Even the machine surrendered.
By the time I dropped him off, I had to pull over at a petrol station to vomit. I used one whole bottle of Febreze and my car still smells like a locker room in a zombie apocalypse. My lungs feel like they’ve been scrubbed with sandpaper.
Seriously, fellow Singaporeans, we live in a tropical climate. Deodorant is not a suggestion, it is a human right for those around you. If you know you sweat a lot, please, have some mercy on us Grab drivers. We want to earn a living, not meet Yama-san early because of your armpits.
Sian set. I’m going home to bathe in Dettol. Stay safe, and for the love of everything holy, USE REXONA.