A netizen shared how he found out that his aunt died trying to save him when he was a toddler and now he feels responsible for her death and blames himself.
Here is the story
I have always known I had an aunt (my father’s sister) who died in an accident when I was young, around 4 or 5. No one in my family made a secret of it, there are pictures of her at my grandparents’ place and she’s mentioned fondly by my parents etc but they never talk directly about her death.
I have some memories of her, I remember she was very kind and would laugh often. She’d spend lots of time playing with me and I loved her a lot.
Well, last week, my mom (40sF) and I were watching TV and there was a car crash in the movie we were watching. I felt my mom tense up and when I looked at her she was uncomfortable and was looking down.
I stopped the TV and she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong but I asked if this was about “Aunt Kala” (not her real name). Then my mom started crying and she said yes. I wasn’t gonna push but then my mom said, “she died trying to protect you.”
She didn’t give me all the details but basically, my mom and my aunt were taking me to go to the playground, and I was so excited I ran ahead, crossing the road without looking. My mom was pushing my baby sister’s stroller and so my aunt dashed after me, a car was driving fast and my aunt didn’t stop to look and she was hit.
I’ve been feeling numb ever since. I feel like it’s my fault my aunt’s life was robbed so young.
My mom asked me not to tell my dad she told me because my family has promised not to say anything to me when they realized I didn’t remember anything from the accident. I’ve been trying to remember anything but I just don’t, not from the accident or going to the hospital after or the funeral. Nothing.
I want to apologize to my grandparents but I don’t know how. I’ve been worried there’s a part of them that’s been resenting me all these years even if rationally I know they’ve always been kind and loving to me. I killed their daughter. And my father, what do I say? Even my sister (12F), I stole her chance to know her aunt and to share the moments I had with her.
How do I approach this with my family? Is it better to act as if I never learned about the accident?
My mom has told me it’s not my fault and she knew my aunt wouldn’t have wanted me to feel this way but it’s not making me feel better. I know my aunt’s death hit my family hard and that they’re still grieving and missing her to this day. How can I apologize? I’m afraid this won’t be enough and that it’ll open up old wounds.