A man shared how he froze while being intimate with his girlfriend due to his past trauma.
Here is the story:
yesterday I froze while being intimate with my girlfriend and she asked if we should stop, I said yes and she backed off. I’ve never been treated like this before.
I am a 23-year-old man and I’ve been raped before. Twice. I’ve been molested too and this has affected me and subsequent relationships a lot.
2 days ago my girlfriend (23) was in my lap and we were making out and suddenly the images of rape came into my mind and I froze. She obviously sensed it and asked if everything was okay but I couldn’t answer and I’d begun to sweat.
She got off my lap and asked if I wanted to talk but i still couldn’t say anything. Then she asked if she should leave the room and I gave a small nod. She just grabbed her phone from the table and left.
This has never happened with me. Nobody has listened to my no before. It feels weird, different? I don’t know.
Next morning when I woke up she had made breakfast and left me a note saying if I wanted to talk I could call her anytime.
She came over after work and I thanked her for listening to me, I was almost in tears. She welled up too and said no obviously means no, but hesitation means no too. And that she would never knowingly hurt me.
I’ve never been treated like this before. My parents were crap, and almost every relationship I’ve had (3) were also similarly crap.
But she’s different, she’s been my rock when I’ve fallen low, she cooks for me because she wants me to be healthy, she leaves notes of affirmation all over the house for me to find and is generally the most genuine amazing person I’ve ever met.
I want to show my gratitude to her and want to tell her how much she means to me but I don’t know how? Also it’s still weighing on me how my say matters to her. Never in my life have I ever been treated this way.
So how do I tell how much she means to me ? And will I stop feeling this way ?