A netizen shared how he has a crush on his male best-friend but doesn’t know what to do and asks if he should end the friendship or confess.
Here is the story:
“Hello. Seeking some genuine advice and guidance, please don’t be mean.
I’m gay. I came out to friends and family after secondary school because I didn’t feel like I wanted to hide it anymore. I’m not one to raise a rainbow flag everywhere I go (as much as I’m proud to be a gay man in Singapore, I don’t like rubbing my preferences in others’ faces.
Recently, I reconnected with my secondary school friends because I drove by them and saw that they were hanging out. They were pretty chill and just came over to say hi (idk if this is a red flag but this group used to be quite mean to me, wouldn’t go to the extent of calling it bullying). I’ve never come out to them though.
I said hi and noticed that ‘L’ was with them in the crowd. L also used to be mean to me back in secondary school. I’ve had a crush on him back then though. After we graduated we went our separate ways (he went to a international school).
So he was shy and all and I didn’t get to talk much to him. One of the guys in the group suggested dinner one day, inviting me as well since I can drive. I lowkey agreed just to understand where they were in life (typical kpo session).
Fast forward a little, L soon caught my eye after a couple of dinners and suppers with the boys. I begin to feel something and would always look out for him (making sure I switch places with him if he finds the restaurant cold, making sure he doesn’t drink ice drinks when it’s late as it would make him sick etc.). I even went to pick him up from a party when he found it too awkward and drove him home even though the distance was short and he could obviously have taken the train/bus back. I bought water for him as well and would drop him off right at this doorstep.
However, L is straight. He’s had a girlfriend once, broke up because of differing values. He’s a nice guy. I love it when he smiles and his laughter is just so damn contagious. I prioritized his needs before mine and would check up on him often to see if he’s sick. He doesn’t have much friends because of his education path and NS, so he talks to older friends (like from sec school) more. So everytime he says he’s bored or is hungry, I’ll be more than happy to meet him (which writing this now sounds a lil pathetic) but yeah you get what I mean.
Spending time with him, driving him back, gives me small butterflies in my stomach and it’s beginning to feel more and more like I can’t control these feelings slowly building up inside me. I would send him home and after, I would feel this amazing feeling and wish that he had stayed longer, so that I could spend more time with him.
The other day while we were standing around talking, he got really close to me to the point where I could feel his stomach on my elbow (which was q surprising because in the past, just a little bit of physical contact would be dealt with a response of “eh” and he would slowly move aside and say stuff like “don’t gay leh”.
On another day, we were talking about songs and music in my car. He spoke of how he has chest hair now and suddenly pulled up his shirt to show me his chest. Like woah. When he did this, I immediately looked at his fingernail because I felt it would be wrong for me to look at anywhere else since you know, I’m gay and it would be inappropriate to do so??
Since then, I’ve been thinking of telling him the truth, because it’s killing me like nvisjnekfk but at the same time, I understand how straight guys view gay guys too. I’m not sure if he would even be open to it?
He’s shown some form of acceptance towards gay people though. He once showed me male influencers on Instagram when discussing the kinds of tattoos he wants on himself, and he said stuff like: “eh but this guy gay sia, ya this one his boyfriend. But okay la gay gay lor cannot make fun of people.”
Let me know if I’m stupid lol. I’m one of his closest friends at this point (we talk almost everyday). If I’m to stay as his friend, I don’t know if I can keep my feelings to myself. It feels very torturous on my end to constantly have to remind myself not to stare at him but steal glances occasionally. If I slowly back off from the friendship, will that be okay for my well-being? But I don’t want to hurt him too.”
Editor’s note: I think just be honest and let him know; and whatever happens, happens.