I told my parents that I really hate my name, and I feel like I have hurt their feelings.
I’m 23 male, still in school and I have seriously been thinking about legally changing my 1st name for at least 10 years now. My name is a pretty well meaning name and I feel grateful my parents chose it for me.
My Chinese name is Guo Long, and apparently it means something about a country’s longevity or something I don’t know, can’t remember what my parents told me.
It sounds normal right? No. The hanyu pinyin spelling on my NRIC is Kok Long.
Growing up, you can just imagine the torment I went through whenever the teacher called my name in class, to the points where I only use my Chinese name now and not the hanyu pinyin version.
I have respect for my parents, therefore I decide to talk it out with them rather than just trying to change it myself without talking to them.
My mom was really against my idea immediately, saying that I didn’t think of how hard she chooses the name for me, and my that means that I disrespecting her as the person that give me the name.
I asked my mom for her reason, she said that it’s just didn’t make any sense for a child wanting to change their name, and the name I choose for myself isn’t as good as my given name (I just wanted to replace Kok Long with Guo Long)
She refused to even hear me out. Saying that even if I were to explain, that won’t change her mind. At all. Meanwhile my Dad simply says that he won’t agree to it and over his dead body.
I understand why they said so, but on the other hand it’s just feel so unfair. I said to them why can’t I decide something for myself and they don’t even know how I feel about it.
Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel?
- No 23-year old needs their parent’s permission to change their name. NTA, it’s your name/life/identity and entirely your choice
- It’s your name not theirs. They can disagree with your choice but they can’t forbid it.
If you will be asking everyone to call you by your new name it might be a struggle to make your parents do so as well.
- They would ask once you did it, so you were nice by giving them a head’s up and trying to talk about it. However, it’s your life and your name. End of story.
- you are 23 not a CHILD. So unless you choose some weird made up/offensive new name, in that case probably I will also say ‘well, are you sure…?’ I don’t see why you need your parents permission.
- INFO: Do you need permission if you are a legal adult?
- You’re 23 years old. You don’t need their permission. But it’s really really really weird that your Dad assumed he had control over your name, and that he would get to sabotage your efforts to change your name. Pay attention to that.