I was kicked out of the house after a fight with my parents, so for 6 months I sold my body as a prostitute, to get money, to get somewhere to sleep for a night, even to get a shower. It was the worst time of my life.
I’m a man and as a male you would think wow that’s awesome you scored so much. The complete opposite in fact every day I would see myself in the mirror and cry thinking I’m not capable of love, or even getting on my own two feet.
I thought to myself I cannot afford some food for the night let alone to fall in love. Having intimate experiences with someone you do not love is the most horrible feeling ever.
I don’t know about anyone else but I feel like I was somehow torturing myself. It was the hardest, most demeaning, most heart reneging thing I have ever done.
I still have problems with self-esteem because of this, so when my gf wants to get intimate. I usually have to convince myself that she wants me for me and nothing else.
Overall an 8 hour process. So I’ve decided to tell some of my friends who I don’t feel will judge me who may not know.
Netizens’ comments
- You’re so young, I want you to know that you’re not alone in this.
I am 31F, I prostituted myself for 3 years because I didn’t think I could survive financially in my own. I did what I felt I had to do to survive! Just please don’t hold onto shame and know that there are amazing people who will love you for you! They are flawed and may want intimacy sometimes but they can still love you and want the best for you. I just know it can be triggering.
- I’m so sorry you had to go through this. But from my perspective, I do not see someone unworthy of love. I see someone driven to desperation, who did what he had to do to survive. I see someone who wanted to live so badly he was willing to sacrifice so much just for a chance. That is SO worth loving. I’m glad things have gotten better and glad you have a girlfriend who will remind you how awesome you are and how deserving of affection.