How often should we visit parents after marriage/child
Currently meeting both sides weekly (my side lunch, in-law dinner). Each session is about 2h over lunch/dinner.
Recently, in-law commented to husband that she felt that we are treating her side like a restaurant, and that we are not spending enough time. Since we are expecting a child soon, she also foresee that the time spent with her would be lesser. During the process, my husband mentioned that she was almost in tears, so I’m sure it is a very important and difficult point for her to bring up as well.
Regardless, I still feel that our visiting rates are acceptable. In the past, we will try to extend the stay via mahjong sessions as well but I’m really tired nowadays (late third trimester).
I can understand her concern over reduced visiting for the first few months after giving birth as well, but I thought it is reasonable to not let the baby out too much for the first 6m to reduce sickness/ logistics of moving about.
I’m personally ok if they choose to visit us instead, but in-law did mention that she does not feel OK with our cats (fyi, our cats are shy are don’t deal well with strangers and will hide in our bedroom when there are visitors).
Would be great if anyone can help to provide alternative solutions.
(FYI, I have previously discussed w husband if he would like to go back to his place for dinner during one of the weekdays for dinner as well so that his parents can spend more time with their son but he is not keen as he is also tired after a day of work).
Netizens’ comments
- Call/Video-call or text your in-laws more often, and get your husband to pacify his mom to help her get over her empty nest syndrome. Your priority should be your pregnancy and building your own family.
- If that’s the best you can do that’s the best you can do. Any more than weekly is alot cos we’re all tired after work plus you’re pregnant.
- Your thought process is very reasonable, as are your reasons for not wanting to stay for longer hours on a Sunday.
Your husband should manage his own mother’s expectations, and also try on his part to do a bit more to strike a compromise. Maybe one weekday dinner on alternate weeks? Even if he’s tired, he also needs to eat dinner right?