Sometimes letting go is better than holding on
I have been with my current partner for 7 years. We were poly classmates and we started dating during our 2nd year. Things were very rocky and there was tons of uncertainties, however we pulled through.
Things started to change when we entered the workforce
Now that we’re working on our own, we tend to spend lesser time with each other compared to before. That’s where our differences starts to surface. Many would say we’re bored of our currently lifestyle, 7 years itch, etc.
We’re about to step into our next phase of life in about a year’s time and I’m honestly having doubts about us. For the past few weeks, we’ve been constantly fighting over very minor issues. There are some things you’re not supposed to share with your partners, especially when it’s about them.
So being a typical salaried worker in Sg, i turned to spending my dime away on drinks after work. I would go to bars to relax after a long day and lied to her saying that i would have to work OT.
I met another girl while drinking
For once or twice, it’s believable. But it’s been too frequent and she’s starting to doubt me. Her doubts are justifiable because she was right. I met someone else. While drowning in alcohol and hoping it will numb myself, J appeared. It has a pretty dramatic start so bear with me.
I was on my 3rd glass when someone accidentally knocked onto me and spilled whatever she has on her. She apologised profusely even though when i told her it’s fine. Things like this happens, nothing to feel sorry about. But still she offered to pay for my laundry fees.
I told her if you really do feel bad, maybe you could buy me another drink. And she did. We had a long conversation. She was a very good listener. She gives me great advices too. And maybe that’s how i fell for her unknowingly. I have to agree that guys are always the one to fall in love first and it’s always one sided. And so I thought.
We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet each other again sometime. I was contemplating if i should text her when I’m home. Out of guilt, I chose not to disrespect my current relationship. But i just couldn’t stop thinking about her. It eats me.
Just when I thought about moving on from J, she texted me. She asked if I was down for a drink near a local bar. Of course I was, I’ve been dying to see her again.
Found out my feelings for J were reciprocal
Goes down, met her, started talking, drinking. And before we both knew, it time to leave. She has to work the next day, so do it. I sent her to take a cab, and while waiting i finally asked her, “since it’s always about me we’re talking about, do you have a boyfriend?” “She replied “no, but”.
“But?”, that’s where it affirms that my feelings for her wasn’t one sided. “But you have a girlfriend/fiancée right?” So what is that supposed to tell me? I told her “Yes but you heard of my problems so why don’t you tell me what to do?”
She doesn’t want to break us up but deep down she has feelings for me too. We’re both in love in fact. And at this point of writing, we’ve somewhat started dating each other knowing the fact YES i cheated.
Biting the bullet to end things with my current gf
Hence I’m asking for advices. I rather be labeled as a heartbreaker, not a cheater. I’m not happy in my current relationship so what’s the point? I don’t know how to open up to my current gf about this. It’s going to break her, especially 7 years worth of memories.
But there’s a saying, sharp pain is better than long term pain. Yes it’s going to hurt her, but personally i rather it hurt her now than having to go through a divorce 2-3 years down the road. Yes i am selfish. But truth is even if i haven’t met J, I would still want to end this relationship.
Even if it doesn’t work out with J, my current girlfriend is not a rebound or backup. Even if i stopped loving, I don’t want to hurt her. Please tell me what should i do next, even if it hurts, i rather she forgets me and find someone else who deserves her love.
Just not me. I betrayed my current partner, and if one day I’m betrayed by J, I’ll gladly accept it.
Thank you for the wonderful memories, even though we made promises we will be holding onto each other till our time is up, I’m sorry the one you’ll be holding on isn’t me. I hope you’ll find someone else who wouldn’t as much as hurt you even just by a little.
You’ve been such an angel but I’m sorry i’m not the one. Even without J’s appearance into my life, i still feel that it’s better for us to end things here.
It hurts me just as much as you holding onto me. May you create more memories with your next partner.
Thank you for everything.