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Friday, December 2, 2022
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GUY SAYS HE’S A PSYCHOPATH BUT BLENDING IN WITH SOCIETY

I’m a psychopath and manage it well.
Before you judge, in which I’m guessing it’ll happen lol google psychopath. Because people often confuse psychopath and sociopath. They are not the same.

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I’ve never told anyone this, not family not friends.

Backstory… I didn’t grow up conventional. Like really unconventional. Though nobody has a normal life…mine was different. When i tell people and they meet my family. Their eyes widen and i can see in their expression that they don’t know how to feel. Generally most people accept it. The ones that don’t, well grew up normal lol.

I was a pretty chill and calm kid. I didn’t grow up in violence. But it was pretty normalized within my family. In the sense i was taught to stand up for myself. I took that pretty literally as a kid. If you have to fight, do what you have to do to win. If that meant taking a pipe to their legs, well you gotta do it. But i was told never to start fights.

I was tormented by the other kids and I learned a lot from it. I was also taught the world is a cruel place. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. I was very perceptive and acknowledged this as a reality.

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I noticed i was different when I was about 7 years old. I didn’t really like to talk a lot. I didn’t really realize until i was older that i didn’t have a tolerance for others. Like family would talk to me and I remember thinking to my self will they shut up, i don’t care. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etcetera…they would call me shy because i didn’t talk. I just didn’t have patience for their crap. I would just play along , nod, fake laugh, so on.

I didn’t feel for friends really. I was always the odd duck. Even within my family i was odd. I don’t even recall how i made friends. It didn’t make sense to me but i oddly fit in the popular crowds. I didn’t help i was an attractive kid. I really hated all of the attention, it would drive me insane. I would just conform because i saw thats what other kids wanted. So i would copy my friends to fit in the best i could. Honestly didn’t really care for them or anyone.

It was hard for me to care about my family and friends as the years went on. To the point that i just didn’t care if i didn’t keep in contact. Generally speaking, they all contact me. Otherwise i wouldn’t bother.

I noticed i could use my lack of emotion to my advantage. I picked up on this in maybe 8th or 9th grade. I would manipulate others for my gain. I was really good at it. They still have no idea the things i would do for my benefit. Yet i could easily hide i was lying to them. I would recreate emotions through many hours of practice. I would watch others. Whether it was anger, crying, happiness, sadness etcetera.. i would mimic their behavior.

I would keep my violent thoughts in my head because i acknowledged there are consequences. I would have these thoughts and I would never act out on them.

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When i hit maybe my young adulthood, i really noticed i had no regard for others. I could care less about people and their feelings. That i was so intrigued i joined psychology class because i wanted to see if i could figure out what was wrong with me. I learned so much about the human brain. I had textbooks full of knowledge i could use. I would emulate different behaviors. It was amazing to me.

Within all of this time i did have a plethora of relationships with girls. Dated popular girls, hooked up with older women, one of my girlfriend’s moms., i liked the pleasure of intercourse. I did end up getting married. I oddly was able to care about someone. I dunno maybe because she was someone so different than myself. Though i do slip up from time to time for not having emotions for certain things i do my best to make her happy. We have four children together who I’d absolutely die for . It was like a switch flipped when i had them. That i could actually care for something that i developed really real feelings for their mother. That if anyone hurt her, i would put their hand in a blender.

I hide myself pretty well. People just think I’m that quiet guy who keeps to himself. It has it’s pros and cons. I have to remind myself to tell my wife things, give her compliments, act in manners i see as pointless. But i do care and love her.

It’s been quite the life. Just blending in.

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