A netizen shared how he wants to run away and disappear, leave everyone in his old life behind and start all over in a new place.
Here is the story:
I know they say you can’t run away from your problems, and I’m not trying to. I have dealt with my issues, said my peace, etc. But I realized about a year ago that I wasn’t happy.
I’ve had a lot of horrible things happen to me, ones that I’m not going to talk about here in case I trigger someone. I’ve met a lot of horrible people and I am sure I will meet more. I am sure more bad things will happen, as they do everyone.
But hear me out. It was more of a want than a need to start over a long time ago. I kept ignoring it, saying all I needed to do was to go to therapy and try to fix what I already had.
But I started to realize that I am living a facade. That this was more of something I needed to do, rather than something I just wanted to do. I have been trying hard for the last 5 years to create some sense of genuine normalcy in my life.
But I’ve since realized that my sense of normal isn’t the same as others. In fact, its far from. And unfortunately, I know those who care about me aren’t able to understand right now, and it makes me feel isolated.
And if I acted how I really am instead of forcing myself to fit others’ criteria, they would hate me. But I know my limits, and I cant keep pretending for much longer.
And as much as I know some people who are reading this are going to think I’m a tad dramatic, I have tested it. I tested the waters with my family, my friends etc. There were very negative responses. A lot of them didnt understand why I was acting cynical and pessimistic rather than the energetic and peppy person I publically project. Or why I was saying things they didnt agree with when I normally remained rather neutral and understanding.
Pretending for so long has caused me to become resentful towards those I care about. Lying for so long causes me to be exhausted at the end of the day.
So yes. In about 2-3 years time, I will be doing my best to save up enough money to leave and to start anew in a place where no one knows me or my face.
If it takes longer, that’s fine. The only thing that matters to me is my freedom, and getting it in the least painful way for everyone involved.
Also, should probably preface by saying that I am indeed an adult. I dont have any children, no significant other, no pets etc. No attachments that would require for me to stay, and I plan on actively avoiding anything that could jeopardize what I will be doing.
I wouldn’t be even thinking about doing this if I did. Maybe others won’t agree, and that’s fine. I like people being able to express themselves and their opinions and to have the freedom to do so.
But I can, and it makes me feel trapped.
Editor’s note: Unless you move to a different country, I don’t think moving from (for example) Joo Koon to Tampines is going to make a difference