I’m with my girlfriend for almost 3 years, and since the beginning, we had fights for immature things coming from her, but she improved a LOT since then, and because of that our relationship got much better, and we love to spend time with each other.
However, since we started the relationship, she uses my phone and has the password, and reads all the messages, from whatsapp and iMessage, and I never got to actually tell her that that bothered me, I actually said it once, and asked her to not read the group chat I had with my friends, which she didn’t understand and things kept going the way it always was.
To clarify things, I think she used to read my messages and use my phone all the time because she had a toxic relationship before us, and the guy cheated on her, and she got trust issues.
But, we started living together and, even though I love her very much and the relationship is going great, I brought the topic of her reading my messages again, and said I didn’t want her to keep having access to my phone all the time and most importantly, to not read any of my messages again, because that isn’t something I agree with and I can’t keep the relationship going and marry her and stay in a marrige where she does things I don’t agree with.
She will still have my password and can use my phone here and there when she really needs it, for instaance, when her phone is dead and she needs to call someone, I’m ok with that.
But she disagrees, and said that this is something she can’t never accept, because, in her words, it doesn’t make sense to not have full acess to the phone of someone she’s planning to marry and have kids with, even if she wont read all the time. She says it isn’t about insecurity anymore but more about her curiosity and the freedom to use the phone of her future husband and father of her kids, which I believe tho, since I don’t give her any reasons to be suspect of me and proved she can trust me.
In my opinion, it doesn’t matter if we will get married, everyone’s entitled to some privacy and I think there’s nothing wrong with not wanting her to read my messages or to mess with my cellphone.
What y’all think?