I resent my husband for being praised as the best dad while I (mom) do the brunt of the work.
I (30f) and husband (35m) have a daughter (3). Since day one, everybody has praised my husband saying things like “You’re such a good daddy” or “she’s so lucky to have you as her daddy”.
Never once has anybody said the same to me about being a mom. Lately, it’s been eating away at me.
He boasts about being a good dad, and he is fairly good. But I still do the brunt of the work.
I rearrange my work schedule to accommodate everything for our daughter. I do most of the childcare except on rare occasions I run to the store and she stays with dad.
He acts like I’m dramatic about the stressful days but he hasn’t been alone with her for more than a few hours at a time since she was born.
I work from home and she stays home with me while I work… So I’m working my 40 hour a week job and being a sahm and running a small business from our house.
Just once it’d be nice to be acknowledged for all I do. I feel like I’m just going to throw up if I have to hear one more time how good of a dad he is.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do and I don’t know how to stop or how to tell anybody what I truly need without coming across as insane.
Netizens’ comments
- Talk to him. Tell him youre very close to burnout and that will implode your family. Tell him just how overwhelmed you are. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and raw about it. Try not to get angry cause that never helps but ask him to step up. And be consistent. Do not step in if fcks something up or forgets. Send him to the shops with your child, take consistently time off. Do it for yourself and do it for your daughter. Happy mums make happy children. And just be sure it’s perfectly normal to feel this way.
- Nah, you’re fine.
I am the one in my house who takes the kids to the dentist. Just about every time.
Every time my wife goes to the dentist, the whole place shuts down while everyone who works there (100% women) all come to talk to her about how lucky she is, because I’m the only dad who brings the kids in, and I do it every time, and how does she get me to do it, and my god that must be so amazing, she is so lucky to have such an amazing husband.
My wife operates at 125% at all times. She does way more than me. Kids lessons are more than 50% her. Dinners are more than 50% her. I do a lot, and most of our tasks are split in some way, and there are a bunch of other things that only I do, and I will do anything else that she specifically asks me to do, but I simply am not as ridiculously productive and effective as her. I don’t think I could ever do what she does.
The people at the dentist’s office don’t see that. They just see me showing up one day with two kids, and then her showing up another day alone. And they tell her how awesome that is. And she comes home pissed off, every single time.
I get it.