My 26F husband 27M doesn’t like physical touch/hugs anymore
My 26F husband 27M and I have been married for 4 years, together for 8. When we first started dating and before we got married I was always very affectionate with hugs, cuddling and kisses. This was something he always reciprocated and also initiated himself too.
We used to cuddle when we slept (something I’ve always enjoyed and really wanted in a relationship) a few years in he told me he prefers not to cuddle when we sleep, I asked if we could cuddle before we fall asleep instead, he agreed.
Next he says it’s too much, he wants and needs his personal space. It gets to the point where I have a deal that we cuddle in bed for at least 2 minutes twice a week. That dwindled down to once every two weeks, me begging (and trying to joke about it so it doesn’t become a serious argument)
Now that “deal” is completely gone. We rarely cuddle in bed, we’ll get close when we’re watching something on our phones or talking, but he will tell me to back off his side of the bed if he thinks I’m too close.
Again always citing personal space. Tonight I tried to put my arm over his chest for a hug while we were chatting and he blocked me. So I asked if I could give him a hug, he said no in a playful way.
I asked again in a cute playful tone and pouted but he refused again and dropped the playful tone, saying he needed personal space, after he’d been resting his head on my pillow (that’s how close we’re laying) . This made me drop my playful tone and I said, okay then and turned over to sleep.
He of course picked up my tone and asked what was wrong, why I was upset. I told him he knows that it upsets me when he doesn’t want to hug or cuddle anymore. It upsets me even more because I don’t know how to solve this issue when we both have very different mindsets about physical contact/touch.
No other part of our relationship has a disagreement like this that feels like it’s at an impasse. I really really love him, he’s my best friend and I love spending everyday with him and building our life together. But whenever this comes up again I just don’t know what to do.
I feel as if he doesn’t like my touch, but he still want to get intimate with me in bed. He’ll hold my hand on the couch, let me rest my head on him sometimes but when we get to bed this switch changes. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable so I feel like I should default to his preferences and accept that our love languages are not the same?