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Friday, February 3, 2023


I (22F) think i am in a toxic relationship.

I (22F) have been dating my current boyfriend (22M) for about 4 months now. We’ve been friends for almost 8 months. Initially, I didn’t want anything serious because i had just gotten out of a relationship but eventually I decided to just follow my heart and be with him.


​In the beginning, it was really fun, we’d just make out all the time and then we decided to hang out at one of his friend’s places around 1 week into the relationship. We made out and stuff and then he asked me for a BJ. I thought it was way too soon so i refused and i wasn’t in the mood either. He kept asking me again and again and again. After some time, i got a little mad at him and then he apologized.

​After that everything was smooth for a while, we both fell in love. We’d have fights but we’d resolve it in day or two.

​Things got a bit weird after the last time we stayed at a hotel. We stayed, we madeout, we did oral the first day.

I think he came thrice in my mouth. I cannot have S because it is too painful for me, I have an imperforate hymen so S has always been out of the picture and he knew this.


The next day, when we were planning to leave, he asked me for a BJ then got mad when I said I wasn’t in the mood. He got so mad he wouldn’t even talk to me. We sat down and talked about it, he said that we can only do oral here so I should blow him, we had a huge fight over this because I thought that demanding for head and saying this, as if the only reason we stayed at a hotel was because he wanted head. We resolved it within a day.

​I was once talking to him excitedly about the things i had planned for an event, i was so excited, and he just said “can you stop talking about it and shut the hell up?” in a very rude tone. I have a very emotionally abusive dad and him saying that just made me remember all those years of my childhood I kept crying because I didn’t know why my parents didn’t love me. I told him this and his first response was “Well you wouldn’t shut up”.

This happened again a month later.

​A month later, we were sitting in a park and we made out and he fingered me. I then started to give him a hand job. It was dark and secluded so nothing was visible. He then asked me to blow him. I refused because it is way too riskier than fingering.

He kept asking me again and again and again. I kept saying now. There was a point at which he held my wrist and was trying to drag me to give him head. I got mad and then he got mad and called me selfish and what not. He said that i only think about myself, etc etc.


I just kept quiet the entire time because I couldn’t believe the irony of it. He then got really mad and threw whatever was in his pockets which was a lip balm. TBH, I was scared for my life so I told him i was not in the right mindset to talk and asked him to let me go. He refused. I apologized to him, started crying then I just ran away.

​The next day I told him everything, and his first response was “When i dropped the lip balm, you didn’t even pick it up for me” I was shocked, because if someone told me they were scared of me, I honestly wouldn’t be able to even look at myself and his lack of empathy just surprised me.

​AM i in a toxic relationship?

I don’t know how to end this because we have the same group of friends, we live close, we study in the same class, I can’t just end it. I know we’ll keep going back to each other.

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I need to hang my head in shame for being an unthinking husband.Sorry for any shirking or grammar issues...
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