I don’t know if I need advice or if I’m giving advice. I guess we’ll see.
I fell in love with a startup founder (Let’s call him “Tim) who claimed to be ready to settle down and start a family, which ended up meaning I handle all the family stuff while he builds his empire
Longer version – I’m an ambitious lady leading a team at one of the most valuable companies on the planet. My career is important to me. Like so many other ambitious ladies, I also want to start a family and the clocks tickin.
I started dating Tim, a successful startup founder whose company just sold for several million. We bonded over our goals and nerdy topics and shared values (or so I thought). He always put family first and that was attractive to me. I was apprehensive about him being too much of a startup bro trips with the boys to Bangkok Vegas and everywhere, flashy sports car but he assured me he was ready to settle down and dial back the long startup hours. I made clear my timeline for family and expectations of a partnership. He dialed back his bachelor life and we moved in together (he didn’t even have a sauce pan!)
We got engaged and things started going down hill. His job here was done. No effort put into date nights, no effort or enthusiasm about wedding planning, working 70+ hours every week and any time I didn’t cook it was takeout.
Any time I want to do something together or ask for more help with shared obligations I’m told I’m controlling his time. He says all of this will pay off when he sells and then things will go back to “normal” and both our families will be set. I believe he and we agree to a four-year timeframe and I take on the brunt of romance and household effort.
Fast forward four years married and I’m pregnant. I’m told not to expect him to take any paternity leave because he can’t step away. He did sell but he has some new venture he’s kicking off. If I have a c-section or complicated birth and need to recover?
He’ll work remotely. Meanwhile, I’ve sacrificed my career numerous times so he could focus on his business. This is the first time I’ve really asked him to step away for anything other than a week here or there for a vacation.
What happens when the baby comes?
I can’t believe I went this long without realizing I’ve never had a partner. I’m at a loss and feeling completely bait and switched. Has anyone else dealt with this? Did it get better?