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Tuesday, December 6, 2022
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WOMAN TOLD ONLINE DATE TO CHAT “CONSERVATIVELY” REGRETS AS HE WENT MIA

I’m in my mid-Thirties and I feel so stupid right now.

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So, as I said, I’m in my mid-thirties, have a daughter, have a great career, and have an amazing Co parenting situation with my daughter’s dad. I’m very much a feminist, I’m confident, direct, and know how to build healthy boundaries and respect others’.

And I’m online dating right now.

So, the story is that a very attractive man whose profile reads in a way that fits very well with mine matched with me. I messaged him, in a mildly flirty way, I like that stuff. When he messaged me back, it was in the same flirty tone, only he described my physical features alone and in parts, and part of it mentioned my “lovely, huge tits.” Yes, I have them and like it when someone I’m with talks about them or other parts of my body, however, as a first message, it made me uncomfortable.

I got back to him, trying to keep the flirty vibe, while also adding a bit about what my boundaries are about language before developing a connection. I also added at the end that I enjoy that kind of thing once I know someone well and then switched to casual mode, asking unrelated questions and sharing stuff about me.

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Now he hasn’t messaged me back (it’s been less than a day), and I’m all in my head about how I shouldn’t have set that boundary and should have been nicer and worrying that I push everyone away by being too inflexible and that I should just go with the flow (which should be stated I am really terribly horribly bad at.)

How do I set reasonably healthy boundaries without feeling horribly guilty, and maybe more importantly, how do I stop putting so much value into what other people I don’t even know think of me?

**Worth noting: I’m Bipolar and have been stable for years, still do the work and never miss meds, I do individual therapy once a week, and online group DBT work twice a month. Basically, just a heads up that I am working on my mental health, while am at the best and most sustainable point I’ve ever been in my life because I know I can always improve. Just mentioning because I know an automatic response to this kind of thing can be a knee jerk “please seek therapy/help.”

Anyway, any advice is so welcome. Thank you all.

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