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Thursday, December 8, 2022


Hey there, I don’t use Facebook much and am typing on my phone so forgive the formatting.

I (20f) have been seeing this guy (23m) for about 4 to 5 months now. When we first started seeing each other we both agreed not to see anyone else, we both really enjoyed each other’s company and wanted to see where this would go between us. I told him I wanted to wait 3 months minimum before anything was made official


In the beginning, it was great we were both really excited about each other and what we would be doing in our future together. We were both planning on moving together at the end of the year for different reasons but it just so happened we were planning it for the same time.

He initially offered for us to find a place together which I was a little nervous about at first as we hadn’t been seeing each other that long at this point but I was also really excited about it because I was really starting to care about him.

Fast forward a month until we both moved, I told him I needed to have a frank discussion with him about what this was, we had been seeing each other exclusively for the last few months and everything was great so I figured the next step was to have that “what is this” conversation.

Well it didn’t go how I thought it would, he said he didn’t want to label anything. Yes he was really enjoying spending time with me and acting like a couple but he didn’t want to officially say we were a couple. Not gonna lie this upset me, I thought that what we had was more on the serious side and hearing that he didn’t actually wanna make anything official did sting.


He basically said why does it matter if we make it official, we act like a couple so what’s the problem. I said because it’s confusing to me. We act like a couple but I’m introduced to his friends as a friend or just [my name]. It’s not about the title or what other people think its a clarification for me that this is what I think it is and what I want it to be. I said if we act like a couple then what’s the problem with making it official, what would it change. He didnt agree and then opened up that because of his last relationship (6 years, broke up about a year ago) he has commitment issues. He doesn’t wanna rush into anything and wants to make sure that when he comits again he’s really sure about it. I understand this and respect it but also don’t think it’s fair on me. He also told me he didn’t think he was ready to move in with a partner yet, he told me he didn’t know how to bring it up because he felt like he was stringing me along, saying we could do that and then backing out when it came to it.

Again totally understandable we had only been seeing each other a couple of months and I had alternatives for movin. I appreciated the honesty about it and just needed to know where we stood.

Since I have tried talking to him about it since but he gives me the same answers so I’m at a loss. I do t wanna walk away because I do really care about him but I also feel I’m doing my self a dis service by putting up with this. I just need some friendly ish advice, please don’t be to harsh. 🙂

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