My spouse (29M) and I(30F) have been having a troubled marriage since we found out we were pregnant. We had communication issues and just became disconnected.
He asked for a no contact break because he said he is “not in the right headspace to give me the support I need” and “would like for us to really work out but we need to do it right by taking time off”
Fast forward to now (almost 2 weeks of no contact), I found out he has been active on social media messaging and liking pictures of random girls.
It’s not the first time it happened, I caught him during my first trimester when one of the girls he messaged actually messaged me about it. I told him to clean up, he said he would and will work on earning back my trust.
He assured that he never really acted upon it (like physical) but this unhealthy coping mechanism of his to seek external validation is a pattern that I think he needs to address. I told him only he can decide that for himself.
He reached out to me a few days ago to ask how I’ve been. We talked casually about my health and then a little about gaming (video game is one of our common hobbies).
I didn’t mention anything about how I know he has those hidden social media (he hid it from his family and me) where he talks to random girls.
It somewhat reminds me of someone having a midlife crisis.
My question is, especially for the men out there. Is this phase just a phase? I want to understand where he is coming from but all he’s been telling me is he is sorry for it, it’s “immature, dumb, he was seeking validation”
A little bit of background about us so maybe you can provide other insights:
We never got a house together, I stay at one of my parent’s rental houses to help manage it and also where I get some income. My spouse lived with me until October of last year because he left home from having constant disagreements with his family.
I was working full time management in retail until less than 2yrs. ago. Then I worked part time, so I can finish my bachelor’s degree (which I did right before I got pregnant), and will be starting my Master’s degree online when my baby is past 6 months. My end goal is to be able to work (with a good pay) at my own schedule and remotely because my priority is being present for my family.
My spouse has a good stable job as well with great benefits and pension. He actually just recently got promoted to the position he’s always wanted and told me that’s one of the reasons he is overwhelmed with my pregnancy because he needs to focus on his new position.