My Girlfriend (F22) broke the news to me (M22) that she hasn’t come once in our 4+ year long relationship
Me and my girlfriend had been having regular intercourse (especially in the first 2 years of our relationship) extremely frequently, at one point 3 times a day for a long time as we lived together in a unit shared with a friend of hers.
I started to worry she was faking in bed as I was still in experienced and very insecure. It eventually came up when we were both drunk and I broke down about it and confessed to her that I was worried she was pretending to come in bed with me.
She admit that she was but reassured me that we could work through it and I could learn her body and what made her come (at this time we had been dating for less then 6 months).
We continued having regular intercourse and I put extra time and effort into foreplay, often longer then 20-30 minutes in an attempt to make sure she finished before I did.
I watched all the videos you can find and tried studying the sounds she made and the ways she reacted to things that I did.
Eventually I was convinced I was making her come everytime and she reassured me that I was, even bragging I made her finish multiple times on regular occasions.
Years have gone by and I maintained the aura of confidence that she was completely satisfied and that I was an incredible lover, until things begun to slow down in the bedroom.
We eventually were living separately and were not seeing each other as frequently because of work and university and we only F once a week, then twice a month until we barely ever F with each other.
I chalked it to not having a comfortable place to do it regularly and counted on us moving out again as being a solution.
Eventually we did and it was more frequent but she seemed hesitant and still only entertained it a couple times a week if I initiated, and ONLY if I initiated.
She blamed the drop in her libido to the medication she is taking for her mental conditions.
And then it came up, eventually she admit around a year later that she had never finished once in our relationship but reassured me that she still enjoyed sleeping with me and enjoyed pleasing me (which she is incredible at).
I feel so ashamed and pathetic, for a while i felt that our intimacy was a chore for her to keep me happy and this all but confirmed it in my head.
I feel betrayed even though I know she did it to preserve my feelings. I put myself in her head and can understand why it was so hard to tell me after everything we had been through.
According to her, she has a very particular way she pleasures herself and nothing else works. Apparently this is common? I dont know what to do.
We have f-ed since but I cant even stay hard and attempt it. I feel like a less of a man and I am beginning to rethink alot of the happy memories we’ve had, especially our most intimate moments which I have treasured.
Deep down im extremely angry at her but I know that my own insecurity and ego are taking over and I still love her more then anything and as much as I want to blame her, it always comes back to feeling ashamed and belittled.
You could describe the way she gets off as humping using her hand and apparently there are positions that can help her come, but does that mean I’ll never have a hand in foreplay to get her to climax?
She also says she sometimes watches videos of other women self pleasuring, and listening to the moans gets her off. That really hurts the most as I feel that she isnt truly attracted to me and is potentially fantasising about other people when she gets herself off in private after I fail to.
After 4 years of very regularly making love and me spending so much time on foreplay and having her walk me through what to do how can i of not possibly made her come once?
That is the answer I keep coming to but I don’t want it to be true. Any advice or similar stories would help.