So I finally crossed paths with my ex at my workplace after 3 years. Since we parted ways I’ve always wondered how I would react to her reappearance again. All I did, quite pathetically, was tapped on her shoulder and uttered a measly “hi”. Even as I walked away, my heart was pounding frantically, as if back to the first time we met after my fateful confession.
She was my first love and every shade the dream girlfriend as a teenager I yearned to have. We were also our class’ model couple, and received heaps of marriage invitations as if everyone expected us to pull it off eventually. We were also inseparable throughout secondary school and JC; she was there through the lowest points in my life, and so was I for hers. But as it turned out, we grew apart and ultimately went our separate ways.
As far as I know, she’s relishing a life of familial bliss now, married and happily raising a son – a future we had once envisioned as a couple. To be honest, I’m just a tad little envious, but mostly happy that she realised her dream. As of me, it has been a rough journey since 3 years ago. The gaping hole that she left behind remains to be filled. There is this girl I met in CCA that caught my attention, but for reasons unbeknownst even to myself I haven’t been able to summon enough courage to even strike up a conversation with her, much less start a new relationship. Once bitten, twice shy, perhaps?
To all budding, first-time couples out there: don’t be afraid to devote your all in a relationship. Even if it doesn’t work out in the end, you would have written a exhilarating chapter in your life – that of first love. There will be countless regrets, and I dare say, they are even inevitable.
But the one thing not matched by subsequent relationships is the naive, innocent and pure romanticisation of love; a signpost you will look back later for guidance as you try to navigate romance in the harsh, real world.
To P, I’m thankful for everything. Really.