I am stuck and I just need help in dating.
Things like height, looks, race, physique due to medical condition, balding, skin conditions (incurable), etc. make it difficult to date. A lot of times these things are beyond a person’s control. Sometimes, they may not even be bad things but the main populace has a lower perception because of them. I am gonna call these things “downers” for simplicity sake.
You may say whatever you want but I have seen (from my own experience as well as peers) how much difference these downers make.
I have more than one of these downers which makes it even worse. I strongly believed that I would not let these downers dictate my life.
I tried my best to make the best out of what I could do. I improved myself in areas that I was weak and tried to present my strengths in a better manner. Some examples would be conversational skills, having more empathy to others, exercising (within my abilities) and controlling my emotions a lot better.
To be honest, it kind of worked but not the way that I expected it to. I started to make more friends and more people also trusted me. People actually come to me to have random or fun chats (things like these never happened before).
So what went wrong?
All of these friends are either male or married/attached females. It took quite some time for them to see my true self so yes, it takes some time for people to see my “better” side.
Dating apps don’t do these as most of them are based off pics or short desc. (I really tried my best to put a good profile but it is just hard). I get very little matches, mostly no matches.
I tried joining activities (sports, dating, social, etc.) to meet new people but most of the time, it is either the time spent is too short for them to see me, people are already taken or they are more interested in people without downers.
After all the effort, no progress at all……
Why do I feel so sad today?
Because something happened and it hit me really hard, like super hard……
One of my female friends saw potential in me and tried to recommend me to her friend. It was suppose to like a blind date thing (no photos). I was very hopeful because my friend said that she would highlight my strengths while describing me to her. Now that I think back, she didn’t really describe much about her friend but I was open to meet anyone at this point. She said that I had a very good chance with her.
However, she told me that her friend was not interested. She said that she heard about my downer and immediately rejected me. She did not give her a chance to describe about my personality or strengths. She was not even willing to meet me.
I don’t know why but this incident kind of crushed my confidence….
I don’t know why I am being equated to something that is beyond my control and not being evaluated for my personality.
I have no idea how to proceed anymore.
I feel lost.
Please help me…..