I hate my wife for refusing to do anything about her weight.
There, I said it. I have so much disgust, rage, and despair inside me as I’m sitting here looking at the reality of the divorce ahead of me.
I hate that she did this to our previously wonderful relationship.
I hate her selfishness. I hate her utter lack of care and the childish glee she takes in refusing to change anything purely to spite me. Because how dare I want to be attracted to the person I love.
I hate her snubbing of every single offer of support I’ve extended.
I hate that she decided I was no longer worth being her best self for. I hate that she stopped wanting me to be attracted to her, to find her as beautiful on the outside as she is (was?) on the inside.
I hate that she waited until she had me in the legal trappings of marriage before letting herself go.
I hate her fat disgusting dumpster of a body. All of it. I hate seeing it taking up nearly the entire bed we used to share.
I hate that she decided our relationship no longer mattered. Not as much as eating whatever, whenever, at least.
I hate how she has the gall to act like I should be happy to be with her no matter what she looks like. How she pretends you either love someone no matter what or you’re a liar and don’t love them at all. Either/or. That’s all love is to her – yeah, I hate what she’s done to herself so therefore I must have never really loved her throughout the entire 15 years we’ve been together, totally makes sense.
I hate myself for thinking what if she’s right. Maybe real love IS unconditional. I hate myself for not being capable of that.
But I’m not Jesus. No, my love DOES come with conditions. Be a good person. Have stuff in common with me and be reasonably intelligent. Grow and experience and share your thoughts with me.
I hate her for not thinking I’m worth that anymore – I hate myself for not being worth it.
I hate her for forcing me to be the bad guy by being the one to initiate the divorce. But how else will I ever possibly have a chance of being happy again if she won’t change which she has made crystal clear she never will.
More than anything I hate her for throwing away 15 years for nothing but the Hell of it. She didn’t need to gain 150lbs, it’s not like she developed a medical condition or had a baby. She could NOT “not help it.” She chose at every step of the way to pig out on junk. This didn’t have to happen. THERE WAS NO GODDAMNED REASON.
We were supposed to be on a journey together for the rest of our lives.
And now I hate her.
And if anyone reading this is wondering if their partner feels the same: I can’t answer that, but my advice is to acknowledge the truth of what you’ve done, tell your partner you care about being healthy because you love them and want to be with them for a long time, and then lose weight. If she had at any point done any one of those things, I would not be writing this. I would have compassion and appreciation, instead of anger and hopelessness