This happened just this morning, and I was thinking that maybe I can entertain some people with it!
I rarely post on Reddit, so if I messed up anything, I’m sorry.
A little context before we start this story.
My cat had one of her kidneys removed last Friday, she was experiencing gallstones and said kidney was extremely enlarged, this kidney is currently being examined in a lab as the vets had no idea what was wrong with it.
She has been on meds before and after the surgery and has been recovering well. Spending fairly large amounts of time in my room as its one of her comfort places. She’s a purebred cat and currently 14 years old.
So since yesterday around 8pm my cat was hanging out with me in my room.
She was on my bed so I joined her and we just cuddled and watched movies until roughly midnight when I was very tired and decided to try and sleep.
I shoved most of my clothes off my bed and she wanted to stay which was fine with me, she settled in the right corner of my bed on my feet side and my blanket ended up covering half of her.
Eventually, I fell asleep.
It was 2am.
I woke up the sound of my cat jumping off my bed, and seen the time I decided to let her out my room incase she was hungry or needed to use the toilet.
What I didn’t know was, that she took a huge dump in my bed.
Apparently, while still shooting faeces she jumped off my bed, and when I jumped out of my bed shortly after, I managed to narrowly avoid the brown splatters she left when she jumped off my bed and let her out my room.
I left the lights off, as I am not very fond of light. I had no idea that there was **** everywhere.
When I crawled back in my bed and started to back to sleep I started to smell the surprise gift she left me.
I thought “Ain’t no way she took a dump in my bed”, so I went to sleep just thinking it was a singular crap somewhere, cause that just happens sometimes. And that I’d clean it up in the morning, as I was way too sleepy.
Well, I was wrong.
It was around 9am when my mom came in and woke me up.
Now I am not a morning person at all, it is safe to say I get suicidal urges every day I open my eyes in the morning, and it takes at least an hour for me to properly wake up and get my brain going.
She was talking to me but I didn’t hear anything as I was still half asleep and stretching, so I only heard my muscles, if you understand what I mean.
The only word I picked up was “poop”, and I already knew that so I didn’t think much of it.
At this point I still thought my cat had left a singular dropping somewhere in a corner of my room.
Eventually an hour later (for clarification, I think I became smell blind to it after sleeping with it in my room for apparently 8 hours), I decided to get my ass out of bed, this is when I saw the humongous (now smeared out) brown stain (with clumps still there) in the corner of where my cat had slept.
I jumped out of bed, and yet again narrowly avoided the brown splatters that were there. I looked around and saw another huge assmark close to my closet. Now my cat also has a history of pissing in my closet when she was younger, so I made sure to check she didn’t attempt to wipe her ass on my clothes. Luckily she did not.
But, it gets worse! 😀
At this point in time I thought only my room was hit with her anal explosion, it was not.
When I made my way to the upstairs hallway to have breakfast with my family, I saw another huge brown stamp right out of my door, followed with a huge skid mark towards the stairs.
At this point my heart dropped and I started to half-run down the carpeted stairs.
As you may have guessed, my cat tried to wipe her behind on these as the carpet has quite a rough texture. Three of the steps were brown.
I jumped over them and almost landed in another skid mark in the downstairs hallway.
The downstairs hallway is tiled, but the tiles are filled with all different types of stone (though a smooth surface), so it was almost impossible to see at first. Tippy-toeing like they do in cartoons I tried to avoid the large amount of feces and entered the living room.
It was a massacre.
There were skid marks every where, and I genuinely mean every where.
If I had to describe it in one sentence, I’d say it looked like a Formula 1 race track, with brown skid marks.
It was all over the floor.
Luckily she saved most our furniture, bless her.
The one exception was our coffee table, where my brother’s homework was located, I hope his teacher believes him.
I offered my mom to clean it all up as the culprit is my cat after all.
I got to scrubbing the floors.
The more I scrubbed the more I found, it was in every corner of the living room, one of the marks was even an 180° which was pretty impressive.
We moved the couch as our other cat had thrown up under there earlier, and lo and behold, another huge crapstamp. Even one of the bathrooms wasn’t safe for her excretion missiles.
Unsure if I have mentioned before, but this diarrhoea was liquid.
I have finished cleaning everything and my hands are pretty numb from my violent scrubbing.
I feel pretty guilty, if I only had turned on my lights I would’ve seen what was happening and could have prevented it from spreading through the entire house.
My cat is now sleeping behind my PC as I am writing this.
I guess I could say this really is a new core memory for me.
Just to clarify, we are in no way mad at her and she will not be punished, instead we will be reporting this incident to the vet.