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Thursday, June 20, 2024


A Singaporean man recently posted on Facebook after he felt that he is losing respect from his wife due to her relying on her brother to satisfy her luxurious lifestyle.


It is believed that she is receiving $20,000 a month from her rich brother. She once even spend a few thousand dollars on shopping in a few hours and she said the shopping she did was therapeutic.

Here is the full story:

I am having an upsetting issue with my marriage and I wish just to have a discussion with helpful commenters here.

I am married to a woman whose older brother has inherited their parents’ business. Let’s just say he makes a shitload of money and I don’t know how much he earns. He lives in a landed detached near Nanyang Primary School. It’s worth mentioning that that company is split 90/10 between my brother-in-law and his mother. My father-in-law is dead, never met the guy. My wife got a 3-bed condo from her dad. We live in it now.

My wife is a housewife. She became a housewife ever since we had our first child. Now we have 2 children, aged 5 and 2. I don’t make a lot of money (I’m a civil servant), and my wife is uniquely high maintenance. Although I would be lying if I didn’t also say that she has changed a lot since we met in uni. In those days, she would walk into ION, spend a couple thousand dollars in a few hours, and call it “therapeutic.” I made it very clear to her when we were dating, repeatedly I might add, that I am low SES and she was the one who agreed to still go out with me, eventually agreeing to marry me.


Recently, because of the stress of raising my two children, she has started to ask for significantly more money to spend. She started going back to cafes with her friends at Orchard, something she has stopped doing for a long time, and she has started buying branded stuff. The cost of raising children has also been more expensive than I had predicted. But to be completely honest, if I reduce my savings to negligible numbers, I can support both my wife’s lifestyle and all the household expenses.

I don’t make a lot but I think I am comfortably middle-income. The thing is I want to save up for retirement. I think it is my responsibility to save up for retirement because I do not believe in asking anything from my children. So for a few months, I have told my wife that I have not enough money to give her apart from what I usually give her. We didn’t use to fight.

But we have fought more in the past 6 months than our entire history together combined.

I think 2-3 months ago, she started having money to spend all of a sudden. She could buy all her branded stuff, go to cafes etc. A few weeks ago, we went to Takashimaya and my son saw this $500 toy that he really wanted. I obviously told him no. I didn’t have the budget for it. He threw a tantrum and I held my ground, as I have always done. Without hesitation, my wife just came over and told him “daddy doesn’t have money, mummy buy for you.” I got so angry I just drove home, leaving them all behind.

Two days ago, I finally found out my wife has been getting money from my brother-in-law. I found out by accident because she left her iBanking session active when she was cooking. In that past 5 months alone, my brother-in-law sent her $20,000 a month. Ok, let’s just get something straight here. I don’t have a good relationship with my BIL. He is really smart and really rich. Because I always feel very insecure about how smart I am, I always try to sound smart during family dinners.


But he frankly just knows so much about so many things once he starts talking everyone just listens to him explain shit. It is frustrating and I really don’t like being around him. So I can’t talk to him about leaving my family business to me because I’m sure he would just say it’s his money and he can give it whomever he wants.

I talked to my wife about the money she’s been receiving, and how we should review our household finances and she was adamant in saying that the money her brother sent to her is “her brother’s money,” earmarked for “her to spend” and I’m not allowed to have a discussion on how it constitutes an increase in our household income.

I’m not angry at the money that she’s been getting. I’m just upset that I get the sense that my wife has lost all respect for the kind of money I make, the type of work that I do, and the person I am. For example, she’d suggest a place to have dinner, like a really expensive place, and I stopped being able to use the excuse that we cannot afford it because she’d say it’s her treat. I feel like nobody respects me in the family and I don’t even know what to feel anymore.

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