I hope this post finds you well, for it will likely be the last and give you the closure you deserve.
I think I have figured out 9 out of 10 of the truth you shared with the third party though some are not meant for me.
I like to tell you that you are still young and will have ample time to get your unicorn eventually. Everyone processes and pursues at different speeds. This is not a competition. What is meant for you will be yours and vice versa.
I believe I am the SIM dude that you are talking about. I think you are right. You are definitely a few notches above me. I do not deserve you and your elitist fam; I can never match up to that level.
The truth is you don’t truly love me or like me for who I am. The person you love is yourself as you make various forms of comparison between us and believe yourself to be the superior one. And the person you like is what makes you think about who I am. In other words, a figurative person made up in your mind. You like the external of ‘J’ but the internal of ‘M’.
You haven’t experienced true love. That is why everything is a calculated move at the back of your mind. ‘If I give in 100%, I should get back 80%. I will cut losses if it’s beyond 20%. In addition, I should diversify my basket to expand my outreach so that this 80% can reach “C”, “D”, “E”, etc. This way I can increase my chances of getting at least 1 offer back.’
A relationship can be pretty complicated. Sometimes it requires you to use your head (top, not bottom); other times, you simply have to follow your heart. And intuition helps us sieve out genuinity (from the heart) vs. calculated moves (from the head).
I must say I have known you more as a person seeing you act yourself than pretending to be someone you are not (as you have felt so yourself). Everyone deserves love; don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
If you wish to meet someone like that, perhaps the next time, you should be more certain of who and what you want first instead of playing a mathematician.
At the end of the day, we entered a relationship to embrace and love the person for who they are, not what we hope them to be. If you want to change someone, that person is not for you.
Lastly, if you think that your partner will cheat on you before even getting into a relationship, this relationship is not for both of you. We can all tell where things are going south (E.g., in an argument, A will comment on how B is behaving promiscuously. And B will comment on how A has a foulmouth.) Where do you think this is headed?
The last thing you would want to do is convince someone else that your partner is not indecent, etc., when you believe him/her to be so. A relationship is a two-way street. It doesn’t matter how much one party works hard. If the person harbors an ill mindset against the other party, the other person can sense it. Not to mention when the whole community already felt a certain way about that person’s partner. I hope you can make the decision for yourself in the future because you will be the one living with it. Love yourself more, and don’t look to seek validation from others. I have always believed in loving ourselves first, and things will fall into place.
With that said, it doesn’t mean we ignore others’ feelings, needs/wants. We should still be an empath and listen intently but filter the negativity accordingly, so we don’t end up draining ourselves. Learn the art of balance. I hope you don’t take this as a lecture but my two cents from the bottom of my heart about what I have learned about us and my love for you as a friend.
Also, I heard you felt you could click with ‘M’ but require some work from ‘M’. I believe you know how much ‘M’ likes you and is willing to work for you by now. I will give you both my blessing and not brief a single word to ‘M’ about what happened. You can have my word for that.
As we close off this chapter and move on to the next, I hope we have both learned something from this experience and take that to be a better someone for the next. I wish you the best from afar and hope the best for you.